"I don't get non-binary"... Use Your Imagination.

Catalyst: overheard from someone

<Gender is a CD player.>

<Everyone's gender identity is a CD.>

<Mine is something else round,>

<like a pancake or something.>

Okay now let's work off that.

I Am Not...

Suicidal.

Depressed.

Hopeless.

But I am...

Dysphoric.

Frustrated.

Spiraling.

I feel...

Powerless.

Stuck.

Insightful.

I predicted the spiral.

Dysphoria is...

A

Slowly

Increasing sense

Of

Distress.

My primary reason for having peace is gone

So it feels as though 

I could be gaining ground

But it seems that it’s not true

And those reasons aren’t good enough.

I don’t want to have dysphoria

I don’t want it to be an all consuming thing

But then I remember it can be

And that it is problematic to

Moving through life.

This is and is not the same as my other mod.

They both make me feel like me.

I could and can clearly envision their physics

Before the mod.

I take the info gathering seriously.

I take the years to understand my environment.

But for the other I was not less happy before it. 

I am only happier with it.

I was not upset without it.

This one is different.

I can see the spiral into mental torment.

The longer I postpone the stronger the negativity grows.

And I can’t live under the illusion this isn’t happening.

I can’t make myself be at peace forever.

Not when I know relief is possible.

I can only tread water. 

I’m not drowning in misery.

Yet.