XD ^.^

When we met I knew you not.

When we met I only knew you by hair colors.

When we met I only saw your quietness.

Time went on and I knew you more.

I learned your life.

I learned your smarts.

I learned your family.

School kept us on our toes.

I watched you work.

I watched you study.

I watched you grow.

Life got busy.

I watched you from afar.

I kept tabs on you.

I tried to keep you in the loop of my life.

Shit happens.

I helped you out of heartbreak.

I helped you find your footing.

I helped you see there's more to live for.

You helped me grow.

You showed me a life outside my own.

You taught me a new perspective.

You showed me strength and bravery and courage.

School's a trip, and we made it.

We finished.

We continued.

We pushed ourselves.

Life's still a bitch.

School still keeps us on our toes.

I am so proud of you.

You rose up from everything playing against you.

You made hard choices.

You kept going.

Remember:

You are smart.

You are beautiful.

You deserve the best.

You make your life.

^.^

Grace

Your unicorn is that stranger,

That stranger whom you see everywhere,

See everywhere yet never connect with,

never connect with in conversation.

I have discovered many unicorns,

Unicorns whom I most often pass in the dining hall.

I have discovered it is rewarding to meet your unicorn,

Your unicorn may become a best friend...

Maybe even something more.

If you meet your unicorn, is that person now a horse?

I guess it could make sense:

Unicorns are mysterious; horses mundane.

You first know nothing of your person, until you meet,

Then the mystery of your person is gone -- merely another person.

<But all people are different>

<But all people have a mysterious side>

True.

But not everyone seems mysterious despite constant, passive interaction.

But not everyone is met in the unicorn fashion.

I wonder if my unicorn finds me mysterious,

Mysterious enough to get to know me more.

I wonder if we'll be the sort who become something more,

More than acquaintances,

More than mundane friends.

<Guess your unicorn person still holds their mysterious side>

Location

I live in a world where creativity meets insanity and genius marries stupidity.

I live in a bubble which is being stretched and tested.

I live in a maze with neither an exit nor a center.

My hallway bears facades.

My floor conceals actions.

My walls leak secrets.

My wheels spins endlessly.

My feet travel without rest.

My mind races time.

The vague becomes clear.

The clear becomes murky.

The dimness swallows the silver lining.

The lighting announces the path.

Where the path splits, one side is favored.

The road less traveled appears misunderstood.

The path well worn is perceived as distrusted.

Chance A Yes… Let Everything play out… because Yolo

<Why would you do that?>

Why not?

<You pretty much knew how it would go…>

Of course, but it was worth a shot.

I'd rather have taken the chance than do nothing and wonder.

<And you're not afraid of awkwardness?>

Nope;

I find that to be an immature line of thought.

You have to give people permission to say no

Without strings attached.

Besides, I wasn't going anywhere with the idea;

It was a one-time fun trial.

<I see your point…just be careful with people.>

<A spark can be entertaining…>

<But don't fool yourself into believing you can control it.>

Of course. Note taken.

Trade

I glanced you in the dimness of dusk.

I asked you to come without reminds,

And to bring with you trust,

So together we may lose our minds.

You ran away on sight;

I let you escape into the wild.

The consequences were not worth a fight.

But you returned so I must have been beguiled.

Together we slipped into the brush

Where spies cannot discover our hiding place.

Hidden from eyes sound was merely a hush,

And darkness soaked all space.

There we intended to remain

Where forever we traded a mind for a brain.

The 2 Gender Rules

There are 2 genders of people: 

Artists and Athletes

Rule #1

All artists are mentally crazy;

It's where creativity lives.

Why is it that artists always seem to have a streak - or rather perhaps brushfulls - of anxiety, depression, or some other characteristic deemed a problem.

Perhaps creativity is not something humans can handle.

It makes the mind run rampant attempting to escape.

Its energy is overflowing;

It can be flowing, smooth, but also violent and sharp.

It can be harnessed as a tool and used to fashion awe-inspiring wonders,

Or it can be an onerous nerve itching to be put to use. 

Positive or negative, creativity will make its presence known. 

Rule #2

All athletes are masochistic to some degree.

No pain to gain.

Why would anyone induce pain?

Perhaps it's not the pain they're after,

Rather they want the benefits strung to it.

The personal challenge.

The competition. 

The feeling of accomplishment.

The unconscious release of endorphins.

The resulting body and health.

Their energy is a live wire.

It demands release in the raw form of physical movement.

Suppress it and the wire takes over.

It finds an outlet of destructive nature.

*Update:  This was published in Dartmouth's "Stonefence Review" magazine in the Fall 2017 issue with the title "Re-imaging the Gender Spectrum".

Always the Villain : Always the Victim

[I cannot believe where we are now.]

[I cannot believe I am made the villain again.]

[I cannot believe you would do that to me.]

[I gave you my soul.]

[I gave you my time.]

[I gave you all I have to offer.]

[Never did I not listen.]

[Never did I give you a reason to doubt.]

[Never did I make you less than priority.]

[I am lost because of the position you put me in.]

[I am confused as what to do.]

[I am overflowing with emotion - words are not enough anymore.]

I am so sorry this happened to you.

I wish I could help you undo what went wrong.

I always got your back.

<I never thought I would be here>

<I don't know how I got here.>

<I woke up and realized this wasn't for me.>

<I thought I was happy.>

<I thought I had the world.>

<I lost my train of thought.>

<I guess I wasn't ready.>

<I guess I was too immature to handle it.>

<I guess it was time to move on.>

How dare you do this to my friend.

How dare you disgrace him with your excuses.

How dare you crawl to me to dig you out of your pit.

Racer

I never thought you would make first contact again.

I am curious to know what it says;

I am too nervous to look.

Immediately my heart is racing and I want to run.

All I want is to run.

I don't know what my destination would be.

I really want to run back to you.

I'm still in the belief we did the right thing.

But ties don't break as easily as words.

The mere fact you make me have to express amazes me.

Cuddles

There are two flavors:

This one is without bounds.

It is quite simple really.

It makes one happy.

It lets one know they are safe to relax.

It is a warm green.

This one is reserved.

It is easy yet complex.

It also makes one happy, and also satiated.

It lets one know they are secure to raze all protective walls.

It is a pulsing rainbow of all colors of the spectrum.

<But why cuddles?>

Because touch binds us.

Because cuddles is a natural soothing mechanism.

Because cuddles feel nice.

<And why should platonic cuddles be different than romantic cuddles?>

It's not the cuddles that's different;

It's the context which carries different weight.

It's the difference of level of attachment.

Pronoun Play

DISCLAIMER: The title of this post is referring to "playing" with pronouns in the linguistic sense. As it turns out the different words make for interesting writing organization.

He was someone I knew from track.

He was sweet, so I gave him a chance.

We had our hangouts;

It was fun, though not very eventful.

I cut him loose. I felt no pain.

He is lost to the past.

Sometimes I wonder what became of him.

She was someone I met through cheer.

She was fascinating; I didn't know it, but I was wishing I got the chance.

Sometimes we got to hang;

It was somehow something I always longed for again.

Our paths diverged. I suffered in the new distance.

Tenuous ties still string us together.

I keep tabs on her to know what's up.

Xe was someone I met in GSA Club.

Xe was magnetic, and we gave each other a chance.

Multiple times we hung out;

Always it was like being on a euphoric high.

Our planned-time ran out. It was sad yet bearable, and it was quite simple.

Right now our ties are cut;

Time will tell if we regain them after adjusting.

I still miss xer and hope to reconnect as friends later.

College-Bound

I will miss my high school.

It was a good place.

I had fun; I worked; I learned.

I will miss the friends I made.

I chose few; few chose me.

The ones I least seen were the most genuine.

I will miss the person I met.

The memories we created are permanent.

New separation... 

It will take time to fill the nostalgic abyss.

But I look forward to where I am going.

The cold will bite harder then I've known;

The people will be unlike I've met.

It will finally be a world of my own.

I look forward to new friends.

I look forward to new experience.

I look forward to new knowledge.

I'm ready to go out on my own.

I'm ready to create myself.

I'm ready to carve my own path.

Jump

It's time to jump that cliff.

We've found the summit so our journey is done.

I will greatly miss what we encountered.

I am having trouble releasing the bind:

Merely words, but also a way of thinking,

And an intangible attachment.

I've been running on a special high,

And its kept its hold for a while now…

Coming back to earth will be so mundane.

There's no way to chase that high again,

Not for a long while into the future at least…

~wind gains speed~

~heart begin losing purchase on attachment~

~memories move into holding cells~

~satisfaction become nostalgia~

~eyes look into an abyss~

~something is now missing~

Cliff Hanger

Should we say it?

We have to say it.

Time is running out.

Do we have to mean it when we say it?

Can we keep a different scenario in our heads?

Would that be so bad?

Can't stop. Won't stop.

But we have to.

We knew when we started.

Always remember.

Take away what you learned.

Appreciate the experience.

And if we meet again?

It will be like returning to an old home.

If I had a redo,

I would change nothing.

Thank you.

Backbone

Integrity is not enough.

Without a spine the best person will fail under pressure.

Guilt will suffocate after; that is integrity kicking in.

Integrity gives the knowledge of right.

The backbone allows for integrity to shine.

It is the oil to the flame.

A spine without integrity can stand.

Though wrong it may be, it will not bend to pressure.

Woe to both which stand one without the other.

Hollow Tolerance

You get used to being in the hollow place.

You forget what it's like outside.

You tolerate your circumstance.

Still, there is a magnetic push away from the place.

Still, you know it is only a stained-glass masquerade.

Still, you take any opportunity to visit outside.

It is a constant search finding ways to delay return.

Lies come natural with reward being an out.

Even temporary leave is better than nothing.

The hollow place is hard to pinpoint.

The hollowness is not seen, only experienced.

It is a cloud of feeling:

Feeling like you must bend to every rule...

Feeling even that which should be sacred is merely plastic ritual.

Feeling a single "wrong" attribute makes you sub-human.

Feeling oppression in the facade of freedom.