Sometimes it feels like
There's a lot of pressure
Within.
Sometimes it's a slow burn
Where every sensation becomes
Exaggerated.
At times the pressure feels like
Almost too much to bear without
Release.
At times it can disperse at
A moment's notice without
Any signs of return.
But it will demand to
Be seen, to
Be felt.
And it will target only
The most sensitive spots.
Sometimes it's takes
Outside help,
A little cinema…
If you will.
And once it's done,
The world comes back to
Life.
I wanted to keep laying bricks.
You wanted to lay down.
We agree to disagree.
It feels like a long journey ahead.
I'm climbing an infinite staircase,
But now alone.
It takes two to tango.
I see your strength.
Thank you for binding with mine.
It's time to start anew.
Reincarnated we learn from the past.
I don't want to forget the beauty we forged.
I am not alone.
I understand but
I cannot grasp everything.
Some things will have to be picked up later.
The world preys on the vulnerable.
I should be on my guard until
I grasp the rest of it.
I have support.
My friends stand on-call for me.
Their time is wealth.
You made me better.
I appreciate the time we shared.
I hope meeting again is in the cards.
I'll miss having a familiar place,
A place I can bike to and from,
A place I can seek out.
I'll miss the splatter of toe beans,
The protesting mreows,
And the random cat pictures.
I'll miss sitting on the couch,
Working side by side,
Being busy, but together.
I'll miss going to sleep
With you by my side,
With your arms at my side.
I'll miss oversharing,
You acknowledging my nonsense,
You making me feel seen.
I'll miss knowing you.
Time catches up to reality.
The day breaks with a new pace.
Sleep goes into hiding.
My heart remembers its place,
But my brain forgets its limits.
It is as if I sent it on vacation,
Only to play catchup upon return.
There is a lot on the to-do list.
I guess it’s okay to work double time today.
Sleep will have to catch up.
Time will reset.
The light rose slowly.
Minutes ticked by but time slowed.
It was like the frame rate expanded.
Speed became relative,
But there was
no tar slowing my movement,
no fog obscuring my vision.
Just slow flow.
The air gradually thins,
And time regains speed
without the added friction.
Turns out that
time dislikes
trickery.
The slow flow becomes a wind tunnel.
As the air rushes past,
With it the sun’s rays.
Just a blackout.
It's like needing to sleep a week,
But wanting to run a mile,
And feeling like a whirlwind inside a fog.
It's like needing to stop everything,
But wanting to plow ahead,
And feeling like nothing.
All I can grasp is separation.
All I can do is put one foot forward.
All I can think is how empty I am.
I'm running on empty.
So tired I don't know what to do with myself.
Drained beyond sleep's reach.
I forget this happens,
Although I shouldn't.
It sneaks up on me,
Despite my familiarity with it.
Meeting new people is fun,
But crowds are draining,
And everything becomes a haze.
Just a bit of recharge time,
Just a bit of unbound space,
Just a bit of familiarity,
To bring everything back into focus.
Painting the town.
Falling asleep in your arms.
Waking up next to you.
How you skip to cross the street.
How you laugh in the moment.
How you ask for my thoughts.
Your touch.
Your smell.
Your you.
Calm like a lake
without human disturbance.
Smooth like silk
without loose ends.
Gentle as a stream;
Potent as liquor.
Soft as fleece;
Sharp as glass.
Damp to the touch, but
Vibrant to the sight.
Dulling on the senses, and
Brightening on the mind.
This form of hydration
opening an eye
by closing another.
This cushion...
This bubble...
A pillar to lean on.
I am content in my cocoon of darkness,
And the shallows are haunted by stiffs.
Must I surface?
They come to me.
When I surface they come to my side,
Except when they don't,
Because sometimes they won't.
Some stay away.
They back up,
Some slow,
Some quick.
But they watch.
They always watch.
Must I go to the surface?
I heave myself out of the undertow.
The deep longs to keep me,
Wraps me up and pulls me inwards.
I lunge and grope my way forwards.
<It's back!>
<This time I'll have you, beast.>
Ti prego, me la dici.
Che è la differenza tra l'altr* ed io?
La mia mente?
La mia voce?
La mia personalità ?
La mia abitudini?
Il mio passato?
Ho paura delle mie idee,
Per la ragione che
La domanda mi farà la stessa cosa.
Penso e penso.
Dai.
Studio e studio.
Perché è difficile di aver rispetto?
“Anyways, you can't make them your best friend because I'm your best friend and if they become your best friend then I'll have to make him my best friend to restore some semblance of our inbred dynamic” (ahaha scherzando)
Sento. Senso.
Lo sento. Ha senso.
Mi sento. Ho senso.
Il fiume. I torrenti.
La raccolta. Le verità .
Connessione sociale.
Catene sociali.
Ma che penso io?
Si, ci penso.
Credo che avere un buon senso della realtà ,
Però
Credo anche che ci sono molte realtà in gioco.
La gente sta complicata.
Lo so.
La gente sta un po' troppo.
Lo so.
E anche, scelgo a seguirl*.
La chiave all'informazione è
Di essere nel mezzo del ciclo
Mentre la mente resta fuori.
<Love is abundant and every relationship is unique.>
<Love and respect instead of entitlement>
<Finding your core set of relationship values>
<Heterosexism is rampant out there, but don't let fear lead you.>
<Build for the lovely unexpected.>
<Fake it 'til you make it.>
<Trust is better.>
<Change through communication>
<Customizing your commitments>
*The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy
Love: I Corinthians 13:4-7,13
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Relationship values: Philippians 2:3-4
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Fear not social scripts: Romans 12:2; I John 4:18
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Expect the unexpected: I Corinthians 10:13
13 No [test] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be [tested] beyond what you can bear. But when you are [tested], he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Sticking to values: Matthew 5:4-5,7,9
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Choosing trust: Psalm 112:5; Matthew 7:12
5 Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,
who conduct their affairs with justice.
12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Change by communicating Love: Romans 12:17-18,21
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Commitments: Romans 12:9-10
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
*NIV
Bi
It's having choice.
No.
It's seeing choice.
No.
It's giving yourself permission to choose.
<It's a crossroad.>
<It's a moment of indecision.>
<It's a look into two futures.>
You're wrong.
It's acknowledgement of both.
It's juggling two headspaces.
It's balancing two ends of a scale.
Pan
It's increasing choice.
No.
It's seeing choices.
No.
It's giving yourself permission not to choose.
<It's a spider's web.>
<It's a life of indecision.>
<It's… >
Stop.
It's acknowledgement of complexity.
It's working across contexts.
It's trusting averages.
Gone with the wind.
Have my back or go away.
Open my eyes to the impossible or hang me from the cliff's edge.
Step into the stage lights and own your form.
Tell me I can trust you while showing me you know the same
Look me in the eye:
I will make you break first.
One yip too loud.
One laughter too strong.
One gasp too shrill.
I'm looking into your depths,
And I've decided:
You can't make me break first.
Every growl controlled.
Every cackle whispered.
Every breath focused.
You won't break me.
But I forget myself:
One chomp too stiff.
I meet your gaze:
You've lost your will.
It’s time to stop.
Bad timing.
Unlucky day.
You look into my eye:
I hit the brakes.
