Hazy

I am angry.

<Why?>

I feel used.

<How?>

I played into a game and I don't feel good about that.

<Explain what you mean by "game".>

The setup of the tasks is a game.

The task is trivial, harmless.

We are given clear instructions this is voluntary.

We were told participation is by choice multiple times...

So it is a game.

Only a game.

<What is the purpose of this "game"?>

Bonding.

I think it is a tradition done to the newbies.

We experience it together.

We survive it together.

<It seems like you understand there is no harm intended.>

<Also, you are aware no harm is being committed.>

<So what is your problem with it?>

This "game" is bull shit.

It is fun in the moment,

But after the fact I feel used:

We are puppets of the clan,

Our confusion is their pleasure.

I feel angry:

My mind disagrees with my spirit.

~ Stay true to your values, not to yourself.~

<Explanation?>

My values tell me this is fucked up bull shit.

My spirit wants to beat the masterminds of this "game".

So I wonder:

Do I beat the game by playing and one-upping...

or

Do I beat the game by having the courage to abandon participation.

I tend to isolate myself from group junk like this,

And sometimes that leaves me alone.

But I also am not afraid to stay me,

Even if that means going against the grain.

<You have a like-mind to talk with.>

<Wait for the discussion between your minds.>

<But always remember, take care of yourself;>

<That includes your psyche.>

Note taken.

I will follow through with it.