Eccomi, ma chi sei tu?

Un'amic* del passato

Ciao...

Magari avere qualcosa più interessante da dire,

Però non c'è.

Solo posso dire "ciao".

Perché ancora voglio parlare con te?

Perché sto quasi rintornando al percorso?

Quello dove ti seguo ovunque,

Quello dove mi fai felice,

Quello dove la mia non è la tua.

Perché non posso dimenticare

Come è stato quando eravamo unit*.

Perché sempre voglio riprenderlo.

Perché quest'unità è la cosa che non sperimenterò mai.

Non era, non è, e non sarà così in questa realtà.

Un lago per un bel riposare

 Ti ho conoscuito,

E per ciò, sono felice.

Quindi adesso riposi

E mi sento così triste.

Penso a tutta la gente

Che ti conosceva

E immagino che

Le lacrime che stanno cadendo

Diventeranno un lago.

E qua tu resti in pace dentro

L'amore della tua famiglia, tuoi amici,

E chiunque altro hai conosciuto.

Dalla tua famiglia di Trips,

Ti amiamo e ti ricorderemo

Perché il Trips non finisce mai davvero.

Una pausa

 Qualche volta una pausa è solo una pausa.

Grazie di avermi dimostrati come

la mia mente funziona.

A Lei ringrazio.

Ho notato che la pausa

è una cosa normale per me.

Parlo e parlo e sempre ci sono pause,

Però non è il mio intento.

Il mio cervello è così.

Esatto.

Parlo e faccio le pause tra le mie frasi.

Cioè, le parole non mi trovano

Subbito ma vanno all'aventura

all'interno dela mia mente...

E finalmente,

arrivano fuori la bocca mia.

E... dunque,

Va bene.

Sexual Orientation?

 Sexual orientation...

You know, that

Thing which describes what

sort of people you are attracted to.

…but,

What if we called it your

Sexual framework?

Framework...

You know, the

lens through which

You perceive and make sense of

your surroundings.

(and everyone in said surroundings)

Would it make us more fluid

In our thinking?

Would it make us less married

To the labels as stagnant tools?

Would it make us more curious

For understanding all the frameworks?

Would it break the binary?

To Promise Everything. (To Deprive Anything.)

 Can you promise to deprive me?

Deprive me of a loveless relationship.

Can you promise to deprive me?

Deprive me of a monotonous existence.

Can you promise to deprive me?

Deprive me of a plotless journey.

Can you promise to deprive me?

Deprive me of a closeted love.

- e questo io chiedo a noi

e questo io chiedo a noi

Perché devo io? -

I promise to never let you go,

But to let

You go as

Far as you need.

I promise to never doubt you,

But to doubt only

The demons

In your head.

I promise to never lose hope,

But to hope

For you,

The best.

I promise to never leave,

But to leave

You your

Space.

The Pleasures of Life

 Food. Water. Shelter.

Love. Friendship. Sex.

Dreams. Hobbies. Knowledge.

Breaking norms. Forging paths. Creating adventures.

These are my pleasures in life.

These make me happy.

These make me a part of society.

This is how I splace myself.

Liberation Journalism

Optimism.

Keep me afloat.

Keep me going.

Churn my thoughts.

 

Keep me rowing.

Keep me on course.

Churn my thoughts into actions.

 

Love

The reason 

I can swallow my pride in the face of opposing viewpoints.

The reason

power is not, but rather is responsibility.

The reason

I can, not survive, but live another day.

Va bene. Sei bene. Saremo okay.

 Leggi il titolo.

È come tu lo vedi.

Stai stanc*.

Sto stanc*.

Le nostre vite hanno sfide.

Va bene.

Lo so. Lo so.

Coraggio. 

Diventerà meglio.

Vedrai tu.

Birds and Bees

 I guess I'll be a bee.

They're smol and busy buzzies.

I'm a small and busy body.

Sometimes I think I would like to be a bird.

Birds are majestic.

Bees are buzz-kills waiting to happen.

Birds make music.

Bees make noise.

But no.

I'm satisfied as a bee.

To trade is to discover the full picture.

Two Sparrows

 Two sparrows settle for the night.

They are fearful of predators.

They are desperate to remain hidden.

One sparrow tosses and turns.

Sleep does not befall it.

It watches for the sunrise.

The other sparrow lies still.

Its breaths are even.

Still, the sparrow remains awake.

Two sparrows greet the daylight.

They are tired.

Silence fills the void between them.

Visibility...

 ...is not enough.

Validation bridges the gap.

I can scream into the void.

Maybe I'm heard,

But I hear nothing back.

Visibility does not equal Validation.

I present myself how I wish.

~ Visibility ~

I get addressed by a stranger how I want.

~ Validation ~

Nuance:

Validation can be misinterpreted.

...by the giver,

...by the receiver,

...by onlookers.

It's complicated.

DNA

Dysphoria aNd Anxiety.

Like the halves of zipper 

They can bind

Together and become separate.

And like a closed zipper they appear one

In the same thing,

And it becomes difficult

For the wearer even

To see where one ends and the other begins.

Mi tocchi.

Te l'ho chiesto di fare. 

Mi tocchi di nuovo

Però... Questa volta senza la mia voce.

E poi ho detto

"No." 

E il mio corpo si è ritirato.

Certo ci abbiamo parlato dell'incidente.

È stato davvero solo un incidente. 

Tuttavia... penso che la mia psiche

Sia stata ferita da te.

So che non avevi quell’intento,

Come non intendevo avere questa reazione disforica,

Però,

Eccoci qua. 

And I don’t know if it’s

The dysphoria

Or

The anxiety.

But I can’t shake the memory and

Ho paura che alla prossima situazione similare

Queste emozioni ritorneranno. 

Yet, maybe...

It is only a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If I will it,

It won’t happen.

Spero di mantenere il controllo come penso.

Splaced

 "Yes. This is where I want to go to college."

never set foot in the state

never seen the campus

"I want to do medicine."

withdraws from bio13 first winter term

decides they don't want undergrad to be a stress hole

takes way too many sociology classes

but loves their school work

"I know nobody. Oh well."

gets along with first-year roommate fine

first-year floormates are cool

spends first 2 weeks eating with

random people each meal

"Hi. Is this seat taken? ... Can I sit here and chat? Cool."

finds a lot of one-shot interesting convos

finds a few lasting friends

finds (eventual) partner

"I like to talk to everyone."

finds support

... in their house community staff

...in custodial staff

...in DDS staff

...in professors

...with the bike mechanics

...the unlikely places

"This is hard."

learns to deal

...with anxiety

...with toxicity 

...stress

...identity questions

"I'm thriving."

but floating duck syndrome is real

but sometimes I forget commitments

but dysphoria locked me into my room

but I know people who aren't thriving

"I'm okay."

because it's okay to be unwell

because I am happy with my choices

because I have agency

because I have a support system

.

A letter to my braces (and ortho)

Dear braces,

Thank you for straightening my teeth. You did your job well. I am sorry I cannot appreciate you more. As it turns out, it has been 5 years since we parted ways and I still cannot think about the time we spent together without thought spiraling into an anxious wreck. Unfortunately my fantasies of a theoretical reunion bring only thoughts of misery, destruction, and lethality. I admit, it is of no fault of your own, though I do not believe it was mine either. I contend that you were only doing your job and I was too young to object to our meeting and ensuing relationship. I wish you good bye forever and hope that other people's encounter with you is more positive.

Rights and Obligations

I know the intent is pure.

I know malice is never the motive.

I know the mindset does not even conceive negativity here.

I know the meaning between the lines is only affection and pride.

So how can I justify the weirdness,

The disconnect, the discomfort?

How can I explain something I can't control?

I accept the statement's meaning,

Yet cringe in its form.

What right do I have to even enforce this?

And yet,

If I didn't explain my side,

I would die.

The me that kept those ties would dissolve

In that acidic environment.