Nerves

<I'm just never sure when's the "right" time for anything>

Hey I gotcha. 

I'm supposed to be the experienced one right? 

Well I got a tidbit for you too.

I have no problem being the one to move things.

Actually, it's good to know you won't because I don't have to watch for as many things

-alertness for nonverbal cues and intuition-

But all the same, I'm nervous too.

I second guess when to do what also.

I've not moved half the time because I second guess.

I wanna make it a good moment.

You've never done anything, nor have I really.

We'll tackle the nerves at the same time.

Oh which reminds me:

 I have one thing on the radar I am paying attention to.

It crossed my mind recently and I've been keeping tabs on the case since then.

Nothing to fret over, just something I know is important to you,

So I mind it well.

Interested? Guess you'll have to ask to figure it out.

Floor Chalk

Hey chica!

Been a fun week running around and flipping upside down.

[We'll overlook the time of betrayal when you moved a few lanes over]

Glad we got to do this camp together,

Pole runs and wall plants and even the dreaded slide box.

Sorry you found food scarce,

But eating Chinese food made camp that much better.

Loved being bus buddies and would repeat anytime.

Watched you learn to vault over camp,

And looks like you walked away knowing a thing or two.

Can't wait to see how the season pans out;

Push through that junior year stress!

And most important: Be Fearless!!!

Crazy vs Foolish

Where does Crazy become Foolish?

Or should it be, when does foolish become crazy?

Or could crazy and foolish be one and the same?

Who is it to decide the line anyhow?

Should all humans decide for themselves individually?

Should each community make their own standards?

Are we all governed by another being altogether?

If all humans decide individually,

Would we be tolerable of differences?

Could we exist peacefully together?

Could we live peacefully together?

Even if people make their own lines, commonalities are inevitable.

Out of the commonalities come communities.

We are social creatures. We need each other.

The communities will attempt to keep to themselves. 

Trouble will be avoided through spreading out.

And perhaps the being more knowledgeable then we keeps us in line.

Gives us a reason to not act out of greed,

Lest one community attempts to override all others.

The higher being sees where trouble arises;

People in tune with the being see likewise.

They act.

So where do Crazy and Foolish separate?

To each their own and to themselves.

The Trust Game

I see every relationship, no matter what kind, as a game.

There are no winners or losers, only players and pieces.

As players/pieces, we hold different roles according to our current circumstance.

Everyone is their own player, as well as others' pieces.

It's up to us how we view ourselves.

~Personally I believe I am the player of my own hand~

This is as much a game of trust as it is power.

So is this fascinating or bizarre?

This is all subconscious;

I only tap into this thinking outside the moment of events.

We are all human. Humans have very real feelings.
Just because something is a game, does not mean it's not serious.
Playing with people is shameful.
We are not toys for each other.
We are companions with complex dynamics.

Doors

Free is the first door.

Always open to walk through,

Always open to walk back through.

Anxiety guards the second door.

It's all a mind game though.

A pinch of courage launches anxiety out of sight.

Responsibility supervises door three.

Not everyone is prepared to meet its requirements.

Everyone has individualized standards.

Trust and Time are a set.

Each are hand-made.

Regular maintenance assures these double doors open in sync.

Beware of rust for it will forever tarnish hard-earned links.

Soul bears the heart of the complex.

It is the last to be passed before retreating.

Pieces of it are scattered through time.

Backtracking out can be a single step or a labyrinth. 

The further inward the traveler explores the longer the trip out.

The longer the trip out, the more complicated it is to truly leave.

Mind and Heart forever war over which path to take.

Circuitous routes are the norm while each instills an argument.

Only when a unanimous decision stands can the itinerant proceed.

Freedom is an illusion.

We think we can leave the mindscape.

We believe ourselves masters of our own heads.

We are fools.

Even when we proceed,

We take pieces onward and leave pieces behind.

Power of Suggestion

Think of the most influential person in your life.

Got it? Good. 

Now think of a time you changed your mind about something.
 Changed it because that person spoke their opinion.

Think of a time someone was warning you.

They were perhaps doing their job, teaching you awareness.

And while you're on the topic, you begin to question if it applies to you.

But only in the moment, because they've heightened your awareness.

Can something be spoken into existence?

Consider self fulfilled prophecies.

Consider an idea set into motion by a single comment.

Where's your locus of control?

Do you make events happen in your life?

Do you have control over your reactions?

Or does everything happen to you?

Or does the universe dictate your responses?

How much power do you give suggestion?
How much power does suggestion take from you?

Spinning Wheels

It's harder to write when you know your audience.

When you're writing for profit no,

But writing for the soul is a whole other deal.

It's easy to hide behind anonymity,

And fun to show thoughts to few.

Sometimes, I wonder if people think about this,

how knowing who reads makes writing feel different.

Knowing makes for vulnerability.

But maybe that's what's wrong with people.

Not enough willing to take the first leap,

Too little trust.

No actually, too many cowards.

For real people,

Just say it with grace and go on with life.

Inner Voice

I wanna write about xer. It's how I feel. It'll find a way of expression anyways.

<But you know what that means when you do. You know what staying on the topic translates to.>

Sure I do, but can I really help it?

<Maybe not, but you know the rational thought through this.>

Fine. Yes yes. "Guard yourself. You've been burned once arguably twice before."

<Correct.>

<You've been dreaming about xer.>

<Well...?>

Yes... I have. Only Twice.

<On consecutive days.>

<Don't you remember what of?>

Of course. I wrote them down like any other. And they were good dreams, in a nice way. It was sweet.

<You leave out the fear part in the second.>

Ugh fine then explanation:

First option:  I've been in that situation before and don't want to end up in that ending again... For good reason, that sucked. Residual fear.

Second option:  I had a vision and that ending is my future.

I'm more partial to the first theory. Time will tell the second eh, so not worrying about it.

<You gonna tell xer bout your past there?>

Probably. Definitely if xe asks about it.

<How much of it?>

Whatever xe asks for...you know how I run that.

<Hey answer what is asked; that's always been your game.>

Yeah, plus the fact I write like everything down.

<Now back to the original topic.>

Which was?

<You've written about Remy again.>

<Don't get in over your head quick.>

C'mon you know how careful I'm being here.

<I'm not talking about xer.>

<I mean you. You know you're a head case. You hold whatever perspective you want, but you can then go on to function as anyone else sees it. And because of that you have a false reality in a way.>

Don't bring her into this...yeah you know who I mean. 

And you really think that explanation makes any sense?

<To you it does.>

<Just be careful. And don't constantly use me as an escape from real life ice.>

Hey I don't. This is an organizer.

<Yeah, and it's still not enough to unravel your thoughts.>

A Different Kind of Plant

Plants are good.

Don't panic it's organic right?

Well this kind involves glass too.

You have to be brave.

There's always a risk.

If you bail half way, you'll probably end on your head.

Or worse, get rejected back on the run again.

But when done right, the height is worth the risk.
Get over the rubber strip, cool.
Get over the the real bar, gold.

It's all in the flex.
Get it to bend just right and you're sure to get highest.
After all, that is the goal.

As always:
May the best plant win.
Go big or go home.
Don't be afraid of the fall on the other end.

Needle

Over a year and I still yearned.

I wanted this done right so I self-learned.

Did my research and found I needed 18 for my turn.

Skip ahead to the day.

I went in a few prior to be certain and inquire.

18 comes and I revisit for a stay.

And now this new shiny thing I won't grow tired.

The clamps more painful than the actual prick.

They're like a pinch lasting five minutes, tick-tick.

The water flows as the physical taps the nerves like a trick.

Afterwards I think it looks great.

A secret for myself.

Invisible I make so haters can't hate.

Remy

If I told you you're beautiful would you believe me?

I don't know why but you have this magnetism.

I want to discover who you are.

Let's make this work while it lasts,

And I hope you find this a gratifying experience.

I think there's a great chance for us both,

A chance to learn what 1+1 can really become.

Now let's talk family since that's kinda big.

The sister you met is cool with it.

The other doesn't know but that is okay.

And my parents... Oh boy.

Well, I'm not sure what mom will say.

I think I'll try to reintroduce the idea to her.

Tell her of a girl I've known for a while

And want to get to know better.

And what will she say?

Mm, not sure.

When I meet your family I hope they like me.

I am confident they will as a person,

But for what we have set out to be?

That part you tell me.

I've watched you grow up over a bit;

You seem the same.

But perhaps that's because I only saw from the outside.

I wonder what I seemed to you then and now too.

Okay Remy I bet you'll see this so thanks for reading,

But more importantly, for being.

Puzzle Life

What if I told you life was simply a jigsaw puzzle?

-unsolved of course-

But how, you may ask.

Organization.

Diligence.

Solution.

Life requires organization:

Prioritizing.

Making sense of Chaos.

Time managing.

Diligence is the oil keeping life's cogs smoothly churning.

We keep pushing forward.

We yearn to solve life's mysteries.

We look over our shoulder to see how much of the picture is solved.

The solution is both sad and happy.

On one hand we have accomplished the great puzzle.

On the other hand finishing marks the end of our time with the puzzle.

Still, we can step back and admire the final masterpiece,

the completed picture which makes full sense.

Life is like a puzzle.

We begin a stranger, only seeing large differences in parts.

As we progress we become more adept at seeing the nuances of each piece.

When the puzzle is complete it is time to end that stage and begin anew.

And the finished work is a beautiful sculpture unique to the journey's makings.

kb^2

What even is there to say?

I hope you love where you're going. 

I hope you make awesome friends.

I hope you grow.

But I also will miss you.

But I also will wonder what you're up to.

But I also will be sad you're far away.

I've never truly explored this line.
Straddled who's perspective to see it through.

Always felt ashamed the first connection was with you.

Because I knew how you'd see it.

Because I knew you'd wish it to not be yet be unable to change it.
Because I feared you wouldn't understand.
Or worse, misunderstand.

But I don't want this unsaid because of fear.

And everything comes to light one day.

Perhaps this will help seeing through my experience.

And yet this still doesn't cover every detail.

Even now I feel conflicted for musing in this memory lane.
- one perspective shames me-
-one perspective begs for release of built pressure-

But it feels neglectful to never speak of this.

I will always remember the connection in its original context,

Which is why I will always slink back towards it.

It was a happy period of life.

At the time I had no idea why: 

Greeting you every morning made my day brighter.

Those two minutes of lunch overlap was what I looked forward to most.

Any extra moment around you was being on top of the world.

And then I moved.

And I missed seeing you every day.

And I had to learn you couldn't be my life line.

So I adapted, after overcoming separation.

It seems He strategically breaks us apart.

Right about the time I grow conscious of you.

The first time was the most fun in memory,

Because ignorance made for innocent experience.

This time I can see things happen clearer;

I can understand my own self better.

My interpretation of things anyways.

Not bad things necessarily either.

Cut off your hand and stab out your eye when a problem right?
-But is that only your perspective or mine too-

In this case someone always leaves.

Maybe it is not so sad to part ways again.

I know it's not forever if we don't want it to be.

And a connection always exists in our hands over the Net.

So good-bye until we meet face to face again.

Have fun.

Make friends.

God bless you in college and beyond.

REM World

What is the point of dreams?

The brain attempting to make sense of chaotic thoughts?

The sub-conscience working through suppressed matters?

An externally given message about the future?

What do I think dreams are for?

All.

I've had personal experience.

I've written down over 70 of my dreams to date.

Some random. Some meaningful. Some I wish were real.

The dream world is as much in real settings as it is a fantasy space.

Many dreams correlate to a current crush.

(Sometimes old crushes visit my REM world.)

Yet other dreams wrap into an entire mini story.

Highly complex and usually related to a book/media I read/saw.

Dreams correlating to the future?

Although I doubt any significance, I have experienced it.

A spider I was holding, actually scared myself awake.

<next day: held a spider like the one in my dream>

(one of those common wild ones which like street lights at night)

One where my focus was on a friend leaving for college,

But they were noticeably heavier than real life.

<next day: same friend mentions college freshmen gain about 15 lbs.>

(Oh yeah that was weird)

Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not.

But the correlation is always discovered after the fact. 

Not psychic.

However, who am I to say the possibility doesn't exist.

Dreams are the place I can go to work out puzzles.

Where I can enjoy my own reality.
Remembering the REM world is the most satisfying.

Trigger

To dad:

Mom said she'll be back tomorrow by lunch.

<Too bad. You're eating lunch with me.>

(clear malice and spite in tone and comment)

You could have just said "okay"...

(can't decide between anger or cry)

(immediately texts friend who understands the situation)

(arrive at house)

(immediately goes upstairs to room)

(opens window and sits on roof listening to music)

(continues conversation with friend)

I wish I could go to moms house.

I don't want to be here.

Considering feelings, don't want to return here after college either.

Those in Need

Sometimes it's easier to project.

Sometimes the aid takes the role of bad cop.

If they understand, it will not be personal.

Sometimes it's easier to run.

Space can be good, but aid must be ready to chase.

A firm tie can be a saving line in the opportune time.

Sometimes the tongue is more potent than any prescription.

Never underestimate talking.

Often the tension coiled inside can be released without fuss.

Speech is the soap to undo the tight knot.

And who wields the tongue in use?

Perhaps a friend.

Perhaps a simple listener.

Perhaps someone who's living is helping.

No matter the cause,

No matter the situation,

The path to escape can be positively found.

There's always a way out,

While avoiding checking out.

Boiling Point

Did you expect us to be happy for you?

Did you expect us to make it part of our personal affairs?

You blind sided us.

Did you ever consider how this could go unspeakably wrong?

Do you care you've butchered a chance at a positive relationship with us.

This is now a masterful masquerade.

If this turns out to be a scam, it is arguable you deserve it.

This is mail-order, not a forged bond.

And you expect us to give her a chance?

Fine.

Shouldn't judge before you meet right?

Well the fact anyone goes through with this speaks clear.

Don't expect us to invest in this.

The anger sets in slowly.
You disregard how this affects us.
Not that you ever cared anyways, at the core.

You say words of sweetness;
The after-effect is poison.
I see past your tongue.

Know this:
I don't anticipate visits in the coming years.
Nor should you.

New Art

You were like silhouettes.

Seen before but never quite knew.

I watched you but we never much met.

Nonetheless you seemed nice, and cool too.

Tonight through a friend we actually meet,

And I find I was correct sensing friends.

We all talk casually as we eat;

I find I hope these new ties won't end.

 In and out of conversation we go,

Some of it serious some of it silly.

Overall it was a good time though.

As we laugh I see your colors show fully.

As I drift to sleep I think,

Thank you for the new memories we will draw and ink.

Sparks

Not even a spark.

This one was vapor.

But still the pressure built, demanding attention.

A spark.

This one tried to catch.

A weak flame erupted.

A year of work to catch it,

Rewarded with the pittance of a few months to burn.

The distant light.

It beckoned, shown at the end of the tunnel.

But only an allusion. 

Sleep ripped it into the night.

The shadow of a spark.

Gone unnoticed until its gone.

Remnants tell a story,

But it is lost to the past.

The fickle spark.

It flies and spits,

But catch it will never.

Playing with it is tempting,

But a burn is ensured.

The coals.

They are warm and inviting.

No explosion.

No spit.

Only shelter.

The fuel.

The most versatile.

Light up a calm kindling,

Or strike up a wild flame.

Not reusable, but sustainable.

Valete et Bona Fortuna Amici

Maybe its been a while since we talked,

Maybe we totally lost contact.

Maybe we'll forever be in separate circles.

Oh well.

I remember you.

I miss everyone of you.

I will miss you being close by.

But congratulations!

You've crushed high school.

You're ready to enter the real world.

So go crush it.

Go learn what college is like.

Go have fun and grow.

Go make more memories, more friends.

And keep the high school times:

The good the bad and the ugly.

Remember what person you were then.

Keep some of that person,

And grow into a fuller one over the frame.

Spread Jesus's love.

Befriend the meek.

Make close those who need a friend.

And maybe, if the chance should arise,

See God change someone two inches in front of you.

Good bye and good luck Friends.

Complicated

As a younger kid I wanted to grow up.

As a teenager I still want to grow up.

But why does life have to get so complicated?

All I ever wanted was friends and some love.

I see what happens around me.

It's so real, so why does it feel like a game?

I have feelings; its not like I'm dead inside.

So why can I take the perspective of a game?

In elementary school friend problems were tattlers.

In high school friend problems are mistakes made.

So why does everything have to get so complicated?

All I want is to help those in need of someone dependable.

But sometimes screw ups happen.

I see what happens around me.

It's so real, so why does it feel like a game?

I have feelings; its not like I'm dead inside.

So why can I take the perspective of a game?

Yeah I gravitate to the "underdogs".

I think they should see themselves as awesome dogs.

It's never too late to change. Never too late to pick a new course.

And sometimes it's perfect as is.

I see what happens around me.

It's so real, so why does it feel like a game?

I have feelings; its not like I'm dead inside.

So why can I take the perspective of a game?

It's because sometimes feeling is too much.

Sometimes turning it into mere calculations clears my head.

Sometimes I need a different perspective for clarity.

And sometimes I just need to check out.

JM 2.0

Once I hurt a friend without meaning to.

Now I find it happened once more.

Once the hurt went through a brother.

Now the pain went through friends.

But both times, I started it.

I thought we were playing and having fun.

I thought it would end okay.

I was wrong.

I am ashamed.

I am sorry.

I can't unring a bell;

I wish I could.

I hope one day you will forgive me

For accidentally starting a gang up.

I'm going to slip out of your life for now.

But remember, I don't abandon friends.

So should you ask, I will answer.

And I will not forget this happened.

The scar is made.

So I'll be more careful,

Knowing now what I should have known then.

How the Others Grow Up

We learn from society.

"Jonny, when you're about middle school age, 

you'll start to get special feelings for girls."

Or the other option.

"Jane, when you're about middle school age, 

you'll start to get special feelings for boys."

No one tells you how the others grow up.

We have to figure it out ourselves.

I went dumbstruck around this classmate. 

There was something magnetic about her.

I wanted to get to know her, be her friend.

Once we were great friends. 3rd grade.

Of course, this was 6th grade.

I was still innocent and knew nothing helpful.

I tried to befriend her.

We wrote letters to each other for a few weeks.

It was fun, and I thought I had made her my friend.

But then our friendship structure failed.

I don't know what went wrong.

I never did anything.

But I couldn't talk to her anymore easily.

She made me too uncomfortable.

I wanted to make conversation, but fell silent.

Maybe... May..be... I liked her?

No couldn't be, could it?

But I never wanted to kiss her.

I didn't have interested in sex then/knew much about it.

But I did want to be around her.

I wanted her attention.

I was somewhat jealous others got along with her better.

I didn't know what to think.

No one prepares you for it.

You find it yourself.

Distraction

Dislike is easier to feel than sadness.

I'd rather vent about an old wound than listen to a current bruise.

It makes it easier the events are unrelated.

I love home.

What happens when home is suppose to be more than one place?

Home is where the heart is right? Where family is.

No.

Home is where you are comfortable.

It needs no people.

It only needs the feeling.

And right now I'm not there.

So turning my back on sadness,

I confront old feelings yet to be dealt with.

Bad Blood Under Old Scars

Once we were friends.

Once I would take your side till the end.

Once I realized the end is already come and gone.

Used to be I'd never admit this.

Used to be I'd never try to be mean to you.

Used to be is no more.

Now you are just "that straight girl".

Now I don't feel so friendly.

Now I am nice to you for diplomatic reasons.

I've been good, kept you from being ostracized.

I've been nice, kept peace after you fall apart and deal insults.

I've been more than fair, kept your reputation as it is without this information.

You said yourself you're not a good friend sometimes. 

Perhaps it would've been better to tell me to stay away because you rather not hurt me.

But instead you led me on, and I so willingly followed.

Shame on me then.

I did have my own purpose though, it wasn't completely blind.

And I stuck around afterwards,
In part to prove I didn't like you only because I once fell for you.

So I think this is an unofficial goodbye.

Goodbye friend, N.

Residual

It was nice getting to know you a little bit that week.

If we crossed paths more often,

Or even had met sooner,

I bet we could've been excellent friends.

Somewhere in my deeper chambers, I wonder...

What would it be like to really know you?

What would it be like to build our lives together?

-Even if it was temporarily-

Somehow we shared a lot of stories the first night,

Ironically that was the same day we met.

I wonder what would have happened if I was single then too.

Would I had been brave enough to try getting closer?

Would my stories be much different?

What does it matter?

You probably saw me as a sibling or som'n.

Or perhaps still a stranger, not yet a friend.

But now I notice residual thoughts;

I need these out of my mind alone.

Your story was intriguing.

Your mind was complex.

Your art was hypnotizing.

I realized I held you in higher regards then other friends I'd just met.

But it was just temporary.

You left for college.

I stayed not yet finished through high school.

We have lives much different now. 

So I end:

I hope you found someone.

I hope you get to do all you aspire to do.

And I hope we don't forget each other,

Because we had fun hanging out. 

That trip was a blast.

Last minute sleep over.

Getting lost.

Stolen cell phone.

And everything else.

Meanie

Letts put it this way shall we:

I got my butt handed to me more in AP English 3 than anything before.

Yup. Raw truth. I have a lot to learn.

I tried to take it with understanding.

I knew it was for my betterment. 

That didn't stop me from crying.

I am glad it happened though,

Not happy about it, but glad.

See the thing is,

Happiness is transient. Fleeting.

It comes and goes throughout the day.

But at sundown, you can still say you had a good day,

Perhaps because you learned something,

Perhaps because you released a tension,

Perhaps because you have the mindset to believe it.

This Ride

Hold on cuz these days are wild.

One day you'll see it was worth pushing.

Today I see you pulled under:

So I lunge to pull you up;

I pray for you:
that you find peace,
that you become stronger,
that you gain wisdom,
that you see the end. 

Imagine:
you're the big spoon,
 I'll be the smaller..
you can burry you fears, sadness, anything, into me..
I'll hold you safe..
We can be each other's safety posts.

I'd do most anything if it would help. 

Once a friend always a friend. 

No matter how much it is life pulls apart.

You have my word.

And if my words shatters, I regret my choices which led to such.

Tell me how to right the wrong.

I will do it.

Learn to trust me. 

I am unlike those before,

The ones who send "friends" through hell.

Time will show colors.

So hold on cuz this ride is wild.

One day you'll see it was worth pushing.

Today I made a difference for you.


<thank you God for giving me a chance to help>
<help me to show your love>
<show me how to use my tendencies well>

Color Poem

Meet D. T.

Dark Truffle has layers: quiet – never making uproar, peaceful – resolving arguments among friends, private – reserves personal thoughts to their germane situation, and pensive – lost in the gears of the mind and forgetting to speak.

Dark Truffle appears gloomy, but given a chance the warm core can become palpable.

Dark Truffle under dissection reveals a sturdy brown heart under an elusive plum skin.

Dark Truffle is the element Earth – rich soil to grow flourishing gardens.

Dark Truffle's is the character Shrek, which by extension means Dark Truffle is like an onion.

Dark Truffle wears comfortable around-the-house clothes wherever they don’t look obscenely out of place, but when fancy calls Dark Truffle turns strikingly chic – pixie-short hair styled to enhance the eyes, a chocolate toned dress running the length of a slender body.

Dark Truffle slides across flat paths, rolls with hills, and glides over irregular bumps like they’re polished marble. 

Dark Truffle lives alone, but loneliness is avoided through visiting friends.

Dark Truffle sounds like grass rustling  as a choir of crickets chirp.

Dark Truffle cannot play music, so instead music of all types is listened to and appreciated.

Dark Truffle feels silky smooth and refreshingly cool.

Dark Truffle smells like a room out of Willy Wonka’s factory.

Dark Truffle zaps the taste buds with bitterness when eaten without patience but is sweetly satisfying if allowed to melt on the tongue piece by piece.

Dark Truffle is the ellipsis at the end of incomplete thoughts.

Dark Truffle’s texture is smooth like glass yet appears to have a liquid face.

Dark Truffle is the feeling you get after you and a friend fight and reconcile.

Danger of Judgment

When we met I thought poor;

You were nice, sweet, fun.

But you were immature.

I thought bad for this.

You ditched practice,

Fooled around instead of working on skills.

And once you hurt me.

So I learned to see you as a boy,

A fun yet immature boy,

Who was also a jackhole for messing with me.

(granted it was an accident)

But then I went fishing.

I learned a different side.

You broke off something to protect my friend.

You apologized to me.

I learned to see you new;

One conversation made the difference.

And I admitted I was wrong.

(sorry again for misjudging)

So let's go on as friends,

And make some fun and games.

And teach each other to be better.

'round Again

Heart beating with celerity,

Smiles exchanged rapidly.

Already I feel it's come 'round again.

I heard of this one from friends of past,

Now I learn who this one is behind a name mask.

Already I feel it's come 'round again.

Saw this one at lunch the first time.

Stumbled into the same one 24 later.

Quick observations and conversation.

Already I feel it's come 'round again.

The first connection through someone shared,

Then hours of learning each other's ways.

Already I feel it's come 'round again.

The second connection by this one I know.

Perhaps friend is your title; perhaps that is how this one is meant to be.

But already I feel it's come 'round again.

You and me. Me and you. Ready to explore as it comes 'round again.

Apology :(

I hope you can let go of what I said last.

Anger. Frustration. Disappointment.

Sadness. Understanding.

Take your pick. It was all there.

We made up; is it past the point of apologies?

I am sorry I lost my temper

And wrote biting things about/to you.

I was wrong.

I pray you have the patience to try to understand why I snapped.

You should know, as soon as we cleared up the misinterpreted text, any anger there, vanished. Or rather turned inward on myself, because I had just written up something bitter. And then I felt hurt that I used time that way. While I typed my pain out, I noticed I couldn't be exactly mad at you. More accurately...

Frustrated with our circumstances. 

Wishing your parents didn't shoot down your attempts to be a friend.

Wishing I had brushed it off like I have previously.

You asked if I had been angry with you; I said yes – it wasn't that simple. I was wrong to say that too. So I ask you to forgive me, for getting angry, and also for hanging onto the whole matter like this.

Breaking Point

This is the last straw;

I'm tired of flaking,

Because I feel taken for granted,

Always that way when you stand me up.

After tonight it's up to you to hang out.

Apparently control is not in our hands;

No, just my hands.

I've been drowned by you too many times;

Actions speak louder than words right?

So now I let your words dissolve...

Into acid of disappointment.

Let's not be mistaken:

It is out of your control after all,

So perhaps it is unfair to pin the fault on you?

What's that? Oh sorry I was thinking,

Just trying to decide where you stand

In my mental rankings.

Based on feelings, you're in solid ice.

And you should know my feelings well.

Clearly you always meant more to me

Than I do you...

Not that you understand what that's like.

Does this happen to others?

Meaning are you a flake to everyone?

Or is it me only?