Ciao

Sono felice e triste.

Felice perché sto andando a Roma!

Triste perché mi manca mio amore.

Felice anche perché incontrerò la mia famiglia ospitante!

Triste anche perché non vedrò il mio migliore amico questo autunno.

Quindi

Dico “ciao”.

Ciao per le persone a casa.

Ciao per le persone a Roma.

Qualunque.

Sono emozionat* per Roma!

Ho bisogno di imparare tutti gli informazioni possibili!

Voglio fare Italia tipo una seconda casa.

Ho paura ma avrò divertimento.

Sono pront* per questo!

Quindi,

Ciao

Twister

It's all about balance.

You never know where people will end up.

You're at the mercy of the spinner.

We spin and spin 

And I spin into you

Because walking away is so much

And I'm not ready.

I pull you in

So I can rest a kiss on your forehead.

I'm shorter but you

Indulge me

And lean in.

Flashback to yesterday morning.

Yo what're you doing?

Stop driving into the twister.

It's called Dry Dry Desert

Not Twister Alley (lol).

My thoughts twist and squirm

As I press into your warmth

And procrastinate leaving

Because I'm not ready.

It's about balance.

It's about reading the flow.

And we can balance on our own.

And we can flow separate paths.

But I await until our paths flow

Back together so

We can twist into each other's warmth

And spin around once more.

Because I am not ready

But I am willing.

<Parting is such sweet sorrow.>

So to you I give

<a thousand kisses and a thousand more>.

Invisibility

Super power?

Social capital?

If you use it right.

Seeing.

Hearing. 

Watching. 

Listening.

When you melt into the back ground,

You notice the other figures. 

They do not notice you.

And you watch them interact.

They chatter easily together.

You can tell they belong here.

And you wonder...

How did this happen?

How is it you can play passive observer?

Pairs

A pair of mouths.

They spew endless words.

They share thoughts.

Their thoughts mean little.

A pair of eyes.

They speak some.

They entertain small talk.

They are quiet.

A pair of brains.

They speak little.

They keep to themselves.

They check in but no more.

A pair of ears.

They seem checked out.

They soak in their surrounding. 

They’re connected to the other parts.

Boomerang

What goes up

Must come down.

What gets wound

Must unwind.

What swings forward

Must swing back.

What awakes

Must sleep.

What flies

Must land.

And inertia continues the cycle.

Dramaturgy

Have you ever been on a stage?

The lights are deafening.

The audience’s roar is blinding.

Everything fogs over.

Calling it mist is too kind.

This is smog. 

A special smog.

I’ll do my best to explain.

Everyone has their own smog.

It is specific to an individual.

Its size...

Its texture...

Its shape...

Its weight...

Its strength...

Its pliability...

They are all unique.

It is common to see but ignore it.

It is possible to live with it.

But that is not sustainable.

This smog is not invisible to others.

It is not necessarily visible either.

But the presence has tangible weight.

Some are better than others 

At seeing people’s smog.

Call it a super power

A sixth sense.

And with power

Comes responsibility.

I hope that was good enough.

Spiraling

Falling.

Darkness.

Wind.

Lighting flashes

But no thunder replies.

The night is infinite

But no stars sing,

And no moon whispers,

And no clouds stalk.

And suddenly momentum slows

To a sickening pace.

Wrapped in sap

Thicker than molasses.

Squeezed through a tube

But there is light on the emerging side.

Eyes open

And a glass hue alights.

A maze of prisms

Spiraling downward.

A colorful abyss

Hypnotizing the eye.

A landscape free of logic,

Free of reason,

Free of nature,

Free of interference.

But full of meaning,

Full of conscience,

Full of life.

Enigma?

Beauty?

Nightmare?

Yes.

Untitled Emotions

We are the founders to our history.

Yes our history,

Not the history before us,

The history which follows us.

We are the body of our community.

And this is what we witnessed on July 30, 2019:

A traveler is far away from the familiar,

And sheds their cloak,

Trying to fade into the back row.

The weight of the judgmental glances

Tells them that they're chances

Are better out on the road.

If we are the body,

Why aren't our arms reaching?

Why aren't our hands healing?

Why aren't our words teaching?

And what of that road?

The road where they can be harassed?

The road where they can be profiled because of a stereotype?

The road where people can admit their racist acts,

The road where people admit how to stop racism,

The road where racists can overtly and consciously act on their racism.

That's not the road I want to send people on.

And shame on everyone

Who send their siblings onto that road.

Not guilt.

Shame.

I want the road to be the place

Where travelers can broaden their horizons

Where all people can utilize a public resource.

Where strangers feel safe among strangers.

Where the most vulnerable feel the most protected.

That is the road I want to travel.

Since we are the body,

Let's make our arms reach

Let's make our hands heal

Let's make our words teach

Reach those in need.

Heal those in suffering.

Teach the truth

The truth of those who the privilege erases.

Impulse Shopping

I usually don't impulse buy.

Most of the time I browse.

I like examining everything,

But rarely do I leave with something new.

The last two times I made impulse buys were,

Mmm,

Questionable.

They weren't bad.

It was the same thing, yes

I impulsively picked something twice.

I was bored.

And I didn't have anything to lose.

And I had liked the thing in other contexts.

So what could possibly go wrong?

Well...

The first time was user error.

I forgot there was a tab to remove first.

Yeah I am just dumb like that.

~haha oh well~

The second time,

I don't know.

I guess it was bad timing?

~well it wasn't my fault that go around~

So what now?

I think I should stop impulse buying.

It hasn't gone well recently.

Hasn't been been bad,

But I haven't gained anything either.

Guess I will go

Back to browsing,

And leave impulse buying to the straight(up) shopaholics.

Slogging

One wrong move and you’re going under. 

This mud requires perfect balance.

Tread carefully, dear friend.

Single track it to the top.

It’ll be a hard climb.

You’ll find reward on the downhill.

Jump into the river to cool off.

Be mindful of the currents.

~One red and jagged~

~The other blue and slippery~

Ride the waves through.

If you wipe out you can learn.

If you stay on you’ll see you’ve come a ways.

Waves move back to the shore.

You’ll find ground again.

Even a rip current is navigable

~and temporary~

That’s not to say a mark isn’t left.

The water will be disrupted.

The sand below scarred.

But there is also remedy.

Time puts the sand back.

The waves find their rhythm.

Abstinence-Only Propaganda

Why would you do that

to yourself?

What if something goes wrong?

What if you get an infection?

What if it doesn't look how you wanted?

What if you regret it?

Have you thought about the consequences?

You'll lose the strength that

you worked so hard for.

You'll lose sensation that

you'll want, at certain times.

It's a major change.

They're neutral the way they are.

You didn't think like this before

you hung out with those people.

Tripod

You once said that we'd be friends,

And now it's time to test that trend.

I don't know what to expect,

But I'm ready to face whatever's next.

Leaving the Dead in the Past

<I am dragging a dead body behind me.>

<I want to cut it loose.>

<I don't know how.>

~ thought experiment ~

Okay...

I admit, I don't know how to do that.

Let's start with logistics:

#1

In order to cut the body loose,

You have to face death in that form.

You have to interact with the body.

#2

The burden is on you.

This is your dilemma.

You have to be the one to face the body and free it.

#3

You don't have to carry burden alone.

You have people who can and will help.

~whatever help means~

talking it out,

being a wall to listen,

interacting with the body with you,

~you have options~

Okay so now the hard part - facing the body

#1

How do you want to face it?

through conversation?

through venting?

through counseling?

through music?

through writing?

through crying?

through aggression (at an inanimate thing)?

through simulation?

#2

Who do you want/need?

someone specific?

someone in-person?

someone on-standby (electronically)?

a friend?

someone with more authority?
someone outside your usual social bubble?

is being able to face the body alone important?

#3

What do you want out of this?

Think apart from cutting the body loose.

to go wherever you want to go?

to interact with the body safely?

to interact with the body safely and alone?

something else?

all of it?

Alright, that's a start.

Now some miscellaneous thoughts.

#1

Time is an illusion.

There is no too fast.

There is no too slow.

There is only that which exists in the now.

#2

Spectrums are fluid.

Let's assume this is a spectrum of comfort level:

You can enter at any point.

You can slide around.

And that's okay.

#3

You are right.

There is not a pretty way to paint this.

It happened.

There are consequences.

This is hard.

#4

You have people who believe in you.

You have people who need you.

#5

I want you to know

you've started facing the body.

you're working through it.

you have control here.

some answers are found by following mystery.

Follow this link for Italian

Hey

Thought this was a good time for this -

Figured it couldn't hurt -

Just wanted to say hey.

...because you are worth acknowledging.

...because you deserve care.

I want you to know -

...that this is valid.

...that this isn't forever.

...that it's okay to not be okay.

And I want to say thank you -

...for being transparent.

...for letting me help.

...for being you.

...because you are a good bean.

...because you are brave.

...because you are resilient.

- and I am not frustrated

- and I am not scared,

...because I know you will be okay.

So hey,

Hoot-hoot,

You're cute.

Show and Tell

Give me a scratch -

I'll give you a scar.

Give me a bump -

I'll give you a shove.

Give me a slap -

I'll give you a punch.

Show me your fears -

I'll show you mine.

Show me trust -

I'll show you validation.

Show me you care - 

I'll show you loyalty.

Tell me your secrets -

I'll tell you my own.

Tell me a story -

I'll tell one after.

Tell me your mind -

I'll tell you what's on mine.