Slogging

One wrong move and you’re going under. 

This mud requires perfect balance.

Tread carefully, dear friend.

Single track it to the top.

It’ll be a hard climb.

You’ll find reward on the downhill.

Jump into the river to cool off.

Be mindful of the currents.

~One red and jagged~

~The other blue and slippery~

Ride the waves through.

If you wipe out you can learn.

If you stay on you’ll see you’ve come a ways.

Waves move back to the shore.

You’ll find ground again.

Even a rip current is navigable

~and temporary~

That’s not to say a mark isn’t left.

The water will be disrupted.

The sand below scarred.

But there is also remedy.

Time puts the sand back.

The waves find their rhythm.

Abstinence-Only Propaganda

Why would you do that

to yourself?

What if something goes wrong?

What if you get an infection?

What if it doesn't look how you wanted?

What if you regret it?

Have you thought about the consequences?

You'll lose the strength that

you worked so hard for.

You'll lose sensation that

you'll want, at certain times.

It's a major change.

They're neutral the way they are.

You didn't think like this before

you hung out with those people.

Tripod

You once said that we'd be friends,

And now it's time to test that trend.

I don't know what to expect,

But I'm ready to face whatever's next.

Leaving the Dead in the Past

<I am dragging a dead body behind me.>

<I want to cut it loose.>

<I don't know how.>

~ thought experiment ~

Okay...

I admit, I don't know how to do that.

Let's start with logistics:

#1

In order to cut the body loose,

You have to face death in that form.

You have to interact with the body.

#2

The burden is on you.

This is your dilemma.

You have to be the one to face the body and free it.

#3

You don't have to carry burden alone.

You have people who can and will help.

~whatever help means~

talking it out,

being a wall to listen,

interacting with the body with you,

~you have options~

Okay so now the hard part - facing the body

#1

How do you want to face it?

through conversation?

through venting?

through counseling?

through music?

through writing?

through crying?

through aggression (at an inanimate thing)?

through simulation?

#2

Who do you want/need?

someone specific?

someone in-person?

someone on-standby (electronically)?

a friend?

someone with more authority?
someone outside your usual social bubble?

is being able to face the body alone important?

#3

What do you want out of this?

Think apart from cutting the body loose.

to go wherever you want to go?

to interact with the body safely?

to interact with the body safely and alone?

something else?

all of it?

Alright, that's a start.

Now some miscellaneous thoughts.

#1

Time is an illusion.

There is no too fast.

There is no too slow.

There is only that which exists in the now.

#2

Spectrums are fluid.

Let's assume this is a spectrum of comfort level:

You can enter at any point.

You can slide around.

And that's okay.

#3

You are right.

There is not a pretty way to paint this.

It happened.

There are consequences.

This is hard.

#4

You have people who believe in you.

You have people who need you.

#5

I want you to know

you've started facing the body.

you're working through it.

you have control here.

some answers are found by following mystery.

Follow this link for Italian

Hey

Thought this was a good time for this -

Figured it couldn't hurt -

Just wanted to say hey.

...because you are worth acknowledging.

...because you deserve care.

I want you to know -

...that this is valid.

...that this isn't forever.

...that it's okay to not be okay.

And I want to say thank you -

...for being transparent.

...for letting me help.

...for being you.

...because you are a good bean.

...because you are brave.

...because you are resilient.

- and I am not frustrated

- and I am not scared,

...because I know you will be okay.

So hey,

Hoot-hoot,

You're cute.

Show and Tell

Give me a scratch -

I'll give you a scar.

Give me a bump -

I'll give you a shove.

Give me a slap -

I'll give you a punch.

Show me your fears -

I'll show you mine.

Show me trust -

I'll show you validation.

Show me you care - 

I'll show you loyalty.

Tell me your secrets -

I'll tell you my own.

Tell me a story -

I'll tell one after.

Tell me your mind -

I'll tell you what's on mine.

Candles

I can touch the box.
I can strike the match into a flame.
But it will take two to keep the flame alight.

Perché

Perché scrivo questo?

...perché voglio.

...perché posso.

...perché puoi leggerlo.

(...perché ho bisogno di faccio pratica l'italiano.)

Perché ho pensato sarebbe stata un'idea divertente.

Perché voglio scrivere in italiano più spesso

E ho bisogno di qualcuno,

Che può anche capire l'italiano.

Perché è interessante parlare in italiano a te.

Perché è importante a me accrescere le poesie italiane.

Perché mi piace scrivere in italiano.

È come una lingua secreta

(almeno per molte persone conosco).

Bandwagon for the Weird

Ima just throw this out:

I'm pretty weird.

I'm a little crazy.

I'm arguably sick in the head.

Example:

Most people don't play with sharp objects for fun.

Yes. For fun.

~They're not scary.~

~They're fascinating.~

~They're only a tool which I control~

Continue?

Most people don't hear something <objectively bad> and think,

"Oh I wonder what that would feel like, how that works".

And most people don't get around to testing that thought.

Most people wouldn't document their odd thoughts.

Most people hide their idiosyncrasies.

So yeah,

I'm weird.

I have odd thoughts.

And sometimes I bother acting on them.

But I am also:
Confident

Know what I want

A deep thinker

Able to plan consequences

And I love living my life,

However weird/odd/different.

Tutto nella Testa

Perché l’ho fatto?

Che cosa stavo pensando?

Non lo so.

Forse...

Era così

<Fallo.>

<Vuoi farlo.>

<È facile. Troppo facile, in realtà.>

E ora,

Eccomi qui,

Con le linee sul mio corpo.

<Non sei pazz*.>

<Fidi di me. Prometto...>

<Fida ti di me.>

<È solo curiosità.>

<Quando superi il limite,>

<Saprai.>

<Quello non lo era.>

Fire and Ice

I never know what to expect from you.

Cuz ever since we met you played fire and ice.

Flirt with me one day, disappear the next.

And I thought I was in the clear from games...

Guess girls are never easy.

So...

C'mon c'mon girl,

I'm ready to play.

I'll play your game because I know I will win.

Quick wits or clever stamina it doesn't matter because I'm committed.

Okay my turn to lead:

I can make your fire feel like mist.

I can make your ice feel like steam.

You'll never know which I'll play

Because at the end of the day I came to finish first.

So...

C'mon c'mon girl,

I'm ready to play.

I'll play your game because I know I will win.

Quick wits or clever stamina it doesn't matter because I'm committed.

Yeah, that's right

I came to finish first.

But don't worry, dear - just take the hit,
Because I'll make sure second place is worth it.

Butterflies

Hey you!

Yeah,

You over there.

I just gotta say...

...

Hi.

Oh shit where'd my voice go

Cuz all I could think about were the butterflies.

They're carrying me away

And I'm powerless to stop it.

Shackled here to the ground

But the butterflies win.

So please, take me away and lay me down in pieces.

Something Different

Hey, it's me.

I'm just standing around minding my business

But then you walk by and I feel my breath catch.

Oh yeah,

We've been friends since pre-K

So what's different?

There's no way I'm gay,

I just gotta say it.

So here it is:

I'm sure not gay.

Hey, it's me (again).

I was looking for a dance partner

And I noticed you were alone.

No way I'm gay

But may I have this dance?

Oh damn your eyes shine so bright.

I can't stop the tunnel vision,

So here's to what I gotta say:

I know it's okay to be gay.

Silence

Shatter.

Crumble.

Dissolve.

As quiet snaps into silence...

And time spins back into focus...

My body stops.

The race is over,

The run frozen.

And only alone's weight remains.

So it's time to melt

back into time...

back into space...

back into the inky abyss...

And hope sleep fuses the shattered silence into quiet.

Quiet

Racing and racing

and racing...

racing.

C'mon heart -

Slow down.

C'mon body -

get a grip.

Running and running

and running --

pause.

Wall.

Listen.

Walk.

Waiting and waiting

and waiting --

knock.

I stand there dumbstruck.

I listen and laugh and crack jokes.

I plug in to drown out the tingling buzz.

Together.

And suddenly everything slows.

Time is irrelevant.

Space is too much.

Gravity turns horizontal.

Everything quiets.

Always quiet.

Never silenced.

And I can see in the present.