Secret

I have something... Information.

But sharing is rather tricky.

How to say and avoid confrontation?

Oh bother, this situation proves sticky.

Okay I'll try to spit it out.

I really am trying alright.

But I seem to be held back by doubt.

What if I wreck a friendship held tight?

If you read this, I hope you'll ask.

Once you know the past will seem clear.

Asking will help peel the long worn mask.

Of course, if not heard, no harm here.

So it is entirely your choice.

Ask and then the answer I shall voice.

Earth to Self

Give it up.

There's nothing for you here.

Move on.

Don't drain yourself.

Enjoy how it is... because it's good.

But forget? NO.

The present is not the future.

A closed door ≠ a locked door.

Save it for another day.

Invest time somewhere better.

Leave the chaos to the wolves.

Walk. Away.

Mea Amica, Corva

You have much you could teach me.

I have much I could teach you.

Neither of us is ready.

Or do we hold back in fear?

You like me.

I like you.

Neither of us is in a good place for that.

Is it safe to say a good place will never be found?

You are a cradle I found safe;

I would return ev'ry night if possible.

You are the leaves;

Free with the wind,

But can be stopped by small things.

You are the running mountain water.

Cold at a glance,

Warm within.

Carving its own path.

But you are not the ringing bell.

Commanding. Bossy.

The icon of the church (building).

I too am not the Bell.

I can be the light at the end of the tunnel,

Or I can chose to be a hidden mine;

Tread carefully.

I am the lone wolf.

I never find a place perfect for me.

I howl at the stars; they are my friends.

But I am certainly not fire;

You are fire.

Fascinating and magnetic,

Yet requiring caution and

A steady hand to preserve the power.

THANKSGIVING

Turkey
Holiday
Awesome food
No dessert limit
Know not how much food
Stomach filled to burst
Give thanks to host
Invite the family over
Vent about rest of family
I need a break from all the people
Nap after lunch
Give thanks

Purr-fect

You were a mess under that wheel well.

How did you even get there?

Guess I'll never know that part.

<I don't even know how.>

<But why would I remember that?>

<Remember that when I can remember you,>

<How you picked me out and took me home.>

You were a true friend.

Always there when I got home.

<It was the best part of my day.>

When I had a bad day,

You were ready to be comforter.

On a rainy day we would curl up together.

Just you and me.

<Some of my most memorable days.>

You were the best bed buddy on a stormy night.

Kept watch over our home;

You beat out any ol' guard dog.

<Wasn't gonna let no bad guy past my watch.>

Then I brought someone new into the circle;

Your seal of approval meant more than I expected.

<His feet were warm and smelled nice.>

<His touch was soft and gentle.>

Truly I am sorry how it ended.

If I could have done more I would have.

You know I would have.

<It's okay.>

<You did your best.>

<I am sure of it.>

<Guilt lies hold humans back.>

<Listen to transparent truth;>

<If not for yourself, for me.>

<Be happy>

Thank you.

Rest in peace. Cargo,

The best cat ever.

<And you, the Purr-fect Purr-son.>

Vivacious

I go to a stranger's house;

I feel at home without first setting foot.

I read with secret friends;

We talk as though we've known each other forever,

Though some I hardly know by name.

I speak my thoughts,

Some right,

Some wrong.

I ask questions;

I receive answers,

Some I concur,

Others I forget.

We also have a lesson:

We give it sense through talk.

It is okay for questions to go unanswered.

We are safe.

We are open.

We are family.

We are steadfast.

Shadow

I walk into a place well known;

I know not what this place is.

I sit surrounded be those called siblings;

You are no family I recognize.

I sing songs which sometimes I know and love;

I cannot joyfully dance along,

Lost in the rhythm.

I listen to a teacher;

The lesson does not make sense,

Containing holes and contradictions.

I leave as a shadow;

Seen invisibly,

Spoken to mutely,

Heard silently.

Patience

What is Patience?

We grow up hearing,

"Patience is key."

"Be patient."

"Good things come to those who wait."

But no one "teaches" us how to be patient.

It can't be demonstrated like building a sand castle;

It can't be observed as an individual action.

Yet children are scolded for lacking patience.

But still, they are not "taught" how to be patient.

So patience can't be shown... 

Does that make it intrinsic to individual?

Unteachable?

Perhaps patience is not what children lack.

What if they instead lack an ability:

The ability to self-entertain while waiting.

Put idle energy to a different positive use.

So how does one self-entertain?

They may be content simply observing their surroundings.

Or perhaps it suits their fancy to have a puzzle on-hand.

Maybe they enjoy a power nap.

Or chatting with a friend.

Is there a task they could finish while waiting?

How do they occupy themselves in other free time?

Patience:

Not complaining while waiting?

Or

Self-occupying while waiting?

Experience

When is experience too much for one's own good?

Won't too widely varying experiences cause one to fall into the paradox of choice?

Won't too narrow an experience create a provincial mind?

So what is the happy medium?

Perhaps it is the first know a base of morals, then leave opinions to the wind.

Understanding increases with experience (more or less),

But what is understanding?

We nod and say we understand,
But then act on our own opinion anyways.

Is understanding proven with action?

Or is it possible to understand

Even if the consequence of action isn't internalized?

Is "understanding" a concept or a behavior?

You can "understand" advise but not take it...

And a child follows instructions as they understand them,
So that makes it an observable behavior?

Is it possible to conclude it can be both:
Intangible concept and perceivable behavior

Window

I want to see you as you are,

Without society's costume.

Please, show me a clear window.

Time will shorten the gap.

Icy barriers slowly melt.

Walls, yours and mine, will weather away.

But is there enough time to fill the empty space complete?

Surrender to the warmth and security.

Our essences will intertwine and grow together.

Let this spark catch; it can blossom into a warming fire.

I think of you often; I wonder if you do the same.

I wonder what you think of me.

Am I weird?

Am I crazy?

Am I kind?

Am I safe?

Trustworthy?

What kind of trustworthy?

Will you trust me with words alone?

Or will you show me?

I trust you.

Enough to tell.

Enough to show.

But my original statement stands:

You will show me first and I will give back.

A clear window.

Which is Worse?

What scenario would be worse:
Staying friends with an X-crush* or crushing on a friend?

*A person you wanted to be in a romantic relationship with at one point, but not anymore. You may still be attracted to them however.

Staying friends with an X-crush  Pros

That friend may get a sort of special treatment from you.
You can/will become especially close to them.
You are motivated to please them, even be like them. If they are good then that can be good for you.
They will always have a special place in your rank of friends.
You will likely know them on a higher level then general friends.

Staying friends with an X-crush Cons

If you are still attracted to them you may interpret actions incorrectly.
You are setting yourself up for continual sadness in not getting a desire fulfilled.
You may have tension in the friendship, maybe it's only felt in your head though.
If you get into a new relationship, your partner must accepted the friendship you have with the X-crush. Not everyone is so trusting.
You must guard yourself not to fall into dark thoughts about the person; you know it will never happen.

Crushing on a friend Pros

There is motivation to get to know them well.
You will want to stay on their good side.
Time with them is especially enjoyed.
When you compliment them, you mean it.
If you are ignorant to your full emotions concerning them, you enjoy the special closeness without the complications of a secret crush.

Crushing on a friend Cons

You will struggle with the secret unless you tell, or until it somehow melts away. Though even then it will still be an old secret.
You may get obsessed with them.
They will have unequal treatment from you compared to general friends.
They may have a certain control over you, like how your decision making is influenced.
You might make choices to please them rather than yourself.
You will always feel like there is something "missing" in the relationship.

Trust-NOT-worthy

No one deserves it.
No one should believe others can be trusted when they know better.
No one can get away from it.

Again and again I find people untrustworthy.
I believe them over and over again.
So many times I believe they are right,

Only to be let down and my answer correct.

Is it the trap I'll never escape?
Will I always fall for others' answers?
Can I learn confidence in my own judgment?

Maybe some people are trustworthy.
Perhaps there is hope yet.
But how does one distinguish when to trust,
And when to deny trust?

BIRTHDAY

Blessings, have a awesome day
Introvert = no party
Raise 'em up
That one day you rule the family
Health to you
Date of birth
Age always increasing
Yummy cake

Interest

What makes interest?

Can interest turn a person into another's shadow?

Will interest give a person tunnel vision?

Is interest caused on sight?
Or does it take time and effort to show?

Perhaps they are a kind shadow;

They cause no trouble. They are not tripping stones.

But still, a shadow nonetheless.

Are they a cruel shadow?

Do they move items around invisibly?

Will they silently manipulate to achieve favors?

But still, they too are a shadow nonetheless.

Or are they an invisible shadow?

Do they melt into the background?

Do they intend to make themselves known?

How long can the person keep interest,

Keeping interest without falling into tunnel vision?

Surely they will become so focused all else fades into blur.

They will loose sight of what is permanent.

To Hope or Not to Hope

I wait to see if you show up in my sleep.

I wait to see you at school.

I wait to see you with me.

Yes, when we are apart I miss your company.

Always I wonder how I can better help you.

I can't get you outa my head.

I am first your friend, always;

Second, I am waiting to grow into more.

You are driving, for it is you I want to please.

What if we grow into more?

Where will we travel to?

How far will we explore our world?

Right now we remain friends;

I seek to be your safety, your post.

Perhaps one day we will take care of each other…

A Tiger and a Raven brought together.

Broken

I'm sorry.

Believe me.

I never wanted it this way.

Once we were close as ever, but now we are strangers.

I tried to get on without the past.

But every move you make adds a log to the fire.

So I'm going to ask you to stay away.

Maybe one day we can meet up again,

But right now, my friend,

Space is needed to mend.

The world will never know.

They won't see the rift.

Our lives will continue smooth,

But the mind will see the boulders and trenches.

I don't expect you to say anything;

I don't expect you to see this;

I don't expect you to change.

Beat It

No game is unbeatable;

No puzzle is unsolvable;

No choice is undecideable.

With smarts comes arrogance.

With arrogance comes mistake.

With mistake comes lachrymosity.

With wit comes treasure.

With treasure comes responsibility.

With responsibility comes leadership.

The game lies in wait,

Preparing its gears with oil slick as ice.

The player paces the gate

But they know not what they face.

Wits pruned to perfection

With mindset on growth's direction.

Pushed to the ground

But returned unbound.

Only a Game

Everything is a game to me;

The game is a cruel demon.

It is secretive, revealing itself atom by atom.

Even the gentlest bump from the demon will drain the soul:

The game is a power struggle;

Power over threats, threats posed by those closest.

The demon's lightest shake causes death:

The soul crumbles under power's chain, corrupted.

The body returns to dust;

Demon's talon beckons the cells apart.

<You make little sense...>

<Where does this game begin, let alone end?>

The game begins at the end; 

It ends deep within the mind's shadows.

As the end draws near,

The beginning oozes forth.

Self Awareness

Self-awareness serves much purpose.

It's purest form, a rare gift to find.

Forms:  Physical. Psychological. Spiritual.

Physical:

The body is mysterious,

Often changing through age;

It has many parts to explore, inside and out.

Best to know one's own body,

Before being caught off guard at the changes it's gone through.

Psychological:

More complex then imaginable;

Less understandable then paper portrays believable.

We try to understand,

Try to know it like the back of our hand.

We untwist section by section...

Only to see new twists awaiting detection.

Spiritual:

We all search for something,

Something reliable to get us to tomorrow.

Nothing for a solid grasp,

Means slipping out of life's safety clasp.

Honesty to face true thoughts;

Our biggest struggle:

Accepting with what we are caught.

Trap Door

The the face-hole which makes words is a fascinating door.

Many times is pays to open, but often it pays to keep one's trap shut.

How can one be sure it which scenario they are in?

Humans possess the gift of common sense;

It proves useful for such an occasion.

Fire. Acid. Poison. Whip. Chain. Knife.

Medicine. Lifeline. Guide. Freedom's key. Game changer. Peacekeeper.

All embodiments of this door.

All lurking beneath this trap's mouth.

Who can tame the trap?

It is said to be untamable.

Who's job is it to see the trap be made effective for good?

The owner. 

But what if the owner is incapable of mastering this trap?

Let the owner's more capable caretaker teach the first commands.

The owner shall grow into the job.

Dangerous and unpredictable. 

Challenging and precious.

Over Protecting VS Safety Guard

<Why are my parents so over protective>

I think you are mistaking over protecting with guarding safety.

<There's a difference?>

Yes. There is a difference. And a significant one at that.

Over protecting would be treating the average safety bar like it was nonexistent.

Their "average" safety bar would be the norm for elevated-high security.

Safety guarding is more along the lines of:

[Hey I know what's out there and you don't, so I need you to trust me on this.]

[I'll explain more when you show me you're ready to know]

[There are bad people there. I don't want you in the wrong place at the wrong time.]

<Okay... But who's to say what's average?>

Hmm. Perhaps whoever is in charge of said person.

<Sure then>

<But what if the "average" for one differs from the "average" of another?>

Then I'd say it is best to agree to disagree.

Look, let's say one person is not allowing their child to do something in concern for their safety;

Appreciate they care.

The kid can't control what their parent picks as safe and unsafe.

They can only control their response.

<I understand>
<It's ultimately out of the kid's control where they go/what they do>
<Best we can do and appreciate concern>

To a Friend

Met you at church, but connected last year;

Learned during class you live near;

Easily made friends and have stories to hear.

Told me of friends whom I knew not;

Let me hear troublesome tales without fear of being caught.

Shared some deep thoughts,

Thoughts which [for some] would cause a fight to be brought.

Showed me some of you,

Showed you some of me,

Yet still you don't even know.

So I'll start my tales for you to take in;

You'll listen and give feedback with no judgment hidden.

We make good friends for each other in this crazy place;

So allow me to say I'll be keeping touch,

Even if between us is vast space.

Home Is...

What is home?

Where is home?

How does one find home?

Is home where the heart is?

Is home familarity?

Is home where family is?

Is home a place or concept?

Is home a fixed location or ever changing?

Is home factual or social?

Is home determined by oneself or by surrounding folk?

Is home truly attainable in the mundane world?

Very Special Friend

I release you. Go live your own life.

<No! I want my life with you...>

And you will have it, but not as it has been.

I am done playing the game here.

Done being given slack and brought back.

<You know that's not what we are; don't say that>

Ah but my friend, that was always my reality of us.

<YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY AGAIN>

I assure you, I am not running away.

As I have said already, I will never run away again.

I meant it.

<WELL IT FEELS THE SAME......>

You will discover what made you special among my friends.

And you will see a change.

<Good to know I'm a pile of cow poop to you now>

[Resentful/Hurt expression]

You'll be happier without me actively chasing you.

I will be less in your business. It will make me judge you a lot less.

 In the right time, I will take you again, if you so desire.

But for now, I will wait ever so silently.
I have my own life to live too.

We will still have our friendship quirks, don't think you're getting out of tails, Breh.

And you are always my "very special friend".

We Are What We Are

I have always learned people are either together or they're not.
Straddling that line confuses me...

<It's not so confusing as you make it out to be>

<Try to stop obsessing over what this is>

You're right. I should try to stop. It's eating me alive trying to figure it out.

The truth is there's no obvious answer. 

We are what we are.

<Ye, and I like whatever that is; I don't need anything more>

I know. I'll accept that for now.

You're worth sticking around for kid.

Cookie Pride Sonnet

Pride, you are my favorite cookie.

In bits you fill life’s hollow kettle,

But too much and its contents play hooky.

I savor your crunch, letting it settle.

You fill to the brim sweet promises of gold.

Everything dreamed shows clear like diamonds.

Yet sour remains lurk just as bold.

You bite back as an allergy to almonds,

Bites so hard yet an indulgence so tempting.

Forever lasting smoothness in your texture.

While in its glory, all will start hating.

Do not seek this for too much pleasure.

Pride, how you’re always prone to stumble.

Why can’t you learn to be more humble?

9th Grade Sonnet

It knows only cruelty and how to shame;

Must be awoken by the sincere

Loves as the predator loves to spare game,

Screaming so loud itself cannot hear.

I try for freedom, but was molded this way.

My heart beats, yet lies in steely chains;

Chains which fight for hatred of men each day

Withholds me using the tautest reins;

And what could stop this lifeless steel heart?

A box of concrete shall be its end;

Painting of storms the site's graven art

No hook nor wrench will the door to bend.

He who is sincere awaken by theft;

My heart in steely chains rests in death.

DREAM WORLDS

Dare to imagine
Remember wishes
Explore
Alter reality
Made from you

Wonder and ponder
Oblivion and consciousness
Remake yourself
Loose and malleable
Derail fact from fiction
Symbols to the face of life's mask

SUMMER

School hibernates
Uh... What day is it again
More sleep
Munch on snacks
Every night = daytime
Reality check... School time again

Rebound

Knew you'd need a friend;

Knew you'd need time to mend;

Stuck around so my services I could lend.

Took a chance and jumped the cliff;

Ready to face 1000 jagged edges for you.

Forgot you might still have recovery to do..

Now I've remembered that possibility;

Perhaps you are protecting from casualties.

Put in perspective and renewed my patience stability.

Scared Away

<You scared me away...>

I scared you away?

<*nods*>

I think not.

I believe you are scared away by fear.

Fear of me?

Fear of my intentions?

Fear of my thoughts?

Fear of conclusions?

<STOP IT>

<JUST STOP>

<Stop asking questions I don't know the answer to>

I believe you know the answer.

Everyone has an answer to everything.

["I don't know" ≈ I haven't decided]

[Silence ≈ inability to verbalize]

[Running away ≈ inability to cope]

<That is not how I see it>

["I don't know" = I don't know]

[Silence = thought before words]

[Running away = accepting defeat and moving on]

Then by your logic, I should accept defeat and run.

I cannot crack you code, for lack of better word.

But I will not run.

I'll be awaiting your return. 

Whenever you are ready, I am here. 

Grasp

Asleep? I can't seem to find sleep's grasp.

Slowly. Slowly I catch sleep's scent...

It calls. Beckons.

But I feel a wire:

It cries to be heard.

Tells me I must stay awake,

But for what?

Perhaps I am in need of wire cutters?

I would gladly surrender to sleep's call,

If only it was so simple. 

Because pain demands to be felt..

Whether by dream,

Or by consciousness.

Communication

Hello. Goodbye.

Hate. Love.

Communication.

Come here.

Go away.

Communication.

This time. This place.

This day.

This year.

Communication.

"No entry"

"One way"

"Stop"

Communication.

Words. 

Writings.

Signs. 

Symbols. 

Communication.

Necessary and varied.

Constant and changing.

Frustrating obstacle.

Communication.

Crushing

Pull me close. Closer still.

Dive into my bare skin. Become part of my being.

Lock your fingers with mine. Mold them to my flesh.

Read my thoughts. Trap my mind.

We are one. Together. More than we are separate.

Feel as I feel. See as I see.

Breathe my love. I am drunk for yours.

Blur the lines. Friend. Family. Lover.

Cross the line. Vulnerable trust.