Hazy

I am angry.

<Why?>

I feel used.

<How?>

I played into a game and I don't feel good about that.

<Explain what you mean by "game".>

The setup of the tasks is a game.

The task is trivial, harmless.

We are given clear instructions this is voluntary.

We were told participation is by choice multiple times...

So it is a game.

Only a game.

<What is the purpose of this "game"?>

Bonding.

I think it is a tradition done to the newbies.

We experience it together.

We survive it together.

<It seems like you understand there is no harm intended.>

<Also, you are aware no harm is being committed.>

<So what is your problem with it?>

This "game" is bull shit.

It is fun in the moment,

But after the fact I feel used:

We are puppets of the clan,

Our confusion is their pleasure.

I feel angry:

My mind disagrees with my spirit.

~ Stay true to your values, not to yourself.~

<Explanation?>

My values tell me this is fucked up bull shit.

My spirit wants to beat the masterminds of this "game".

So I wonder:

Do I beat the game by playing and one-upping...

or

Do I beat the game by having the courage to abandon participation.

I tend to isolate myself from group junk like this,

And sometimes that leaves me alone.

But I also am not afraid to stay me,

Even if that means going against the grain.

<You have a like-mind to talk with.>

<Wait for the discussion between your minds.>

<But always remember, take care of yourself;>

<That includes your psyche.>

Note taken.

I will follow through with it.

'21s Ablaze

The wood piles up.

The morning rain has subsided.

The moment is nearly at hand.

Hit the first floor for some East Wheelock fun;

Draw on some face paint and snap some glow sticks.

Patience struggles to control impending excitement.

Take a short walk... stop on the stairs.

Wait for the others...

Soon the mob becomes visible.

Join the throng!

Last but not least!

The excitement is too much;

Jog to enter sooner.

RUN. RUN. RUN.

The wood is quiet,

Then suddenly a spark alights...

And in the next moment a roaring blaze.

Everyone is hyper and the adrenaline is palpable.

The first few laps are solo.

Then I spot them,

And we run together.

The mob splits us apart,

So off again at my own pace.

A few times around and I find them again.

It has almost been 21 laps.

2 more to go.

The last lap:

I sprint for the heck of it.

I weave in and out of people,

Trying to stay vigilant so as not to collide.

My legs know no pain; I have unlimited energy.

It is done. I made the 21.

I continue, searching again for them.

Another long run later I find them.

They are with our other friends;

It is good to see everyone in one place.

We finished. Everyone made their twenty-one laps.

Time to hit the (hard-earned) showers.

Mockery

You are an abomination.

You took a bond and turned it into chains.

You are a disgrace.

You would be disgusted by me yet you fashion yourself plastic.

You are only a role model to me in error.

You play the victim yet never look in the mirror at the damage you leave.

You think of me so highly.

You favor me wrongly over the others.

You neglect the one of us who still has loyalty to you.

You know me not at all.

You would hate me if you knew me. 

Throw me out? Send me to conversion? 

Not sure but something bad.

I know you.

I'm not proud of you.