There. Just There.

<What's on your mind?>

I am at a stalling point.

I want to help but there's only so much I can do.

<Then do it.>

I am. I know I'm doing everything I can.

I wonder if this is what dads feel like when their kids are being born...

They sit and watch the pain-show, but are unable to help mitigate.

They're just there.

My hands are tied.

I can't do anything but exist and hope that's enough.

<I think it's enough.>

<Remember it's the little things.>

I wish I was more aware.

<You noticed and responded.>

<You didn't have reason to think otherwise at first.>

<You did good.>

Cliff Jumping

If my brain was a disc,

It has slowed so much it is now running backwards.

The last time I reached a cliff hanger marked an end.

This cliff jump marks a beginning.

I keep flashing back to the jump moment,

And then I feel a tingle around my stomach.

It's like when my arms break into goose bumps,

Except the goose bumps are electrified with a gentle current.

Then a smile slips across my eyes;

I laugh to myself, though no one perceives why.

I could play that moment infinitely.

I go to sleep and the phantom senses flit through my mind.

Even asleep I must be catching glimpses of the phantoms.

And I wake up and realize I am straight as a circle.

I am so gay. And that is fine. I am just me.

Taking a Shot in the Dark

Patience paid off after all.

And now I have added to my knowledge.

You don't need to know what you're doing.

You only need to be aware of what you're doing.

You don't need to do the obvious.

Be creative and you can get to where you want.

Touch does not have to be there or there.

You can avoid those altogether and still get off the ground.

Now you've taken the shot.

Your shot found its target.

All in the dark.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Tried out some experimental writing for class:

I am microscopic.

She was marginalized.

I live in the multi-species home of lichen.

She lived in the multi-faced home of America.

2011

I am a natural wonder.

When the going gets tough, I hide in cryptobiosis.

I can survive extreme temperatures – hot and cold.

I can survive high radiation.

My name: Tardigrade, aka the Water Bear.

1864

She was a medical milestone.

She was in first African-American woman to earn an M.D.

She fought racism.

She fought sexism.

She took her knowledge to the health needs of those previously enslaved.

We know nothing about her except what is in her book – A Book of Medical Discourses

Her name: Rebecca Lee Crumpler

Stay Today Because Forever is a Lie

I need you.

I don't care if you think otherwise,

Because I need you.

And I know your family needs you.

Your family is the biggest thing to you.

You are the biggest thing to your family.

Never forget that.

Derek needs you.

Derek loves you.

He knows all about you, even things I don't know,

And he befriends you just the same.

Derek is there for you in time of need.

Derek loves you.

Derek needs you.

I know the moment feels like eternity.

You wake up every day and feel like the world is against you.

You wake up and feel like there is nothing to wake up for.

You wake up only because you cannot sleep forever.

And there's a voice telling you there is a way to sleep forever.

There is a voice telling you there is an option...

One considered by many and taken by some.

I've traveled to that door.

My mind wandered to that door, even touching the handle.

But then I remembered the good things.

I remembered why life is worth living, why my life is worth living.

This feeling...this moment... is not forever.

Any thing that says otherwise is lying.

You can solve this.

You can get past this moment.

I believe you will come away from this strong.

I believe in you.

Derek believes in you.

We believe you are more than this feeling.

You will stay. We believe in you.

In the Dark

<It’s your problem not theirs.>

Yeah I know. Still bothersome though.

<Well suck it up because you're okay.>

I wish I was still in the dark.

<But you're not.>

<That was your past choice.>

<So it's time to live with it.>

I know I know.

Patience patience always patience.

Time for you to go away.

<Always watching though.>

Ocean

I'm alone on a small boat in a vast ocean.

I'm at peace.

All I can do is look out and smile.

It's so beautiful I can't find the words to capture what I think.

The ocean rolls around me;

I watch as the waves come ever higher up the sides of my craft.

I am not scared. I trust I won't be sunk.

The waves break over the side of my boat.

It's playing with me, so I return the fun.

We ended in a good-natured splash battle.

I'm tempted to abandon the ground.

I want to dive into the water.

But I don't.

I don't understand the ocean enough for that;

It does not understand me enough.

It would not be safe for either of us.

So no. I stay grounded.

The night is well upon us.

I want to stay here tonight, in the peace of the waves.

But no.

I know it would be a problem in hindsight.

So I leave.

I return to the civilized world.

I leave behind the place of peace.

I know it's not the last time I'll be there.

I'll bide my time in patience.

Excitement, Nerves, and New Moves

We're in a dark corridor with a mob passing.

We're standing together, leaning on each other.

Next we're in the open.

Together we move to music.

Quick. Sneaky. Shy.

I caught them all. I noticed every time.

You were excited. 

You were fearless.

We played the dance. 

We gamed our own show.

We don't need extras to enjoy life.

<You make me want to be fearless.>

You're already fearless. You just keep it for certain moments,

And I admire your use of discretion.

<You're....GAH.>

You're perfect. Always be you.

<We're too gay to function. Send help.>

Haha well yes that's true,

So let's figure out how to function together.