Non c'è abbastanza tempo
Non c'è abbastanza parole a dire che voglio io.
Non c'è mai abbastanza.
Magari che tu abbia abbastanza pazienza.
Magari che io abbia abbastanza coraggio.
Magari che il nostro racconto avrà molti capitoli più.
Ricordo quando hai detto che
Hai voluto promettermi tutti.
Tranquilla. Non voglio tutti.
Voglio solo te,
perché sei abbastanza.
A spark does not always need to catch.
A kindling does not always need to alight.
The sustained purr of coals can be enough.
.
To get coals you must burn a spark.
It was a fast spark,
But a slow burn.
..
The flames were exciting,
With a nervous flicker.
It had not decided between a roaring fire,
Or a whispering ember.
...
The oxygen ran low,
But at an ember the level balanced.
Even without proper conditions,
The fire within stayed present.
Hot coals:
Touch do not disturb.
Walk do not run..
Appreciate do not cover...
You'll love it, they said.
It's so much easier, they said.
Your legs will be grateful for the flatlands,
They said.
It's flat, he admitted,
But it's hot, he warned.
It's flat, he admitted,
But there's no shade, he warned.
It's flat, he admitted,
But the wind is a wall, he warned.
He was right.
Sometimes your ego wants to keep pushing,
But your id wants to lay down.
The world you thought you lived in
Has been shaken down.
It is a humbling experience, terrifying even.
Your want so desperately to return
To the fruitful times.
You long for the way things were.
At your core you remember your responsibility,
But your energy runs low.
How can you keep your composure
When it's all you can do to stand tall?
The fire in your eyes was snuffed out.
Rekindling a spark is harder than it seems.
The light seems too far to reach.
So turn not to burning passion,
But rather overflow your cup with love.
Emotions are better suited outside the bottle.
You have experienced loss.
Yes, there is no denying that.
But,
You have not lost everything.
The road ahead is hard, but
Difficult does not equal impossible.
You can sow the seeds from which
To grow your fruitful reward.
The world may even seem against you.
Fear not, for your defenses are not gone.
Call on them to be your steady hold.
In fact, call all your supports.
Use all your resources,
Lest you find yourself in a corner.
It is okay to be timid, to be shy.
Wits can go beyond boldness.
You know the way forward.
Stand up,
And take the first step.
Emotions can sneak up on us.
In the perfect storm
The torrents unleash.
It can seem like life is non-stop.
Pausing is okay too.
Inertia only takes you so far in one go.
Mind the physical needs too.
The body requires fuel,
So provide.
It's not all in the head.
The head can be irrational,
But that does not mean consequences
Are not real.
There is always another option,
Even when it appears not so.
Choose wisely,
Lest your emotional load stack.
If there is no right answer,
Perhaps there is no wrong answer either.
One certainty: to refuse choice is to quit before trying.
We collected our cups,
And we filled them fast.
When everything was simple,
We had it all.
The easy times are past
And life's complexity rains down.
There is a choice to make,
A crossroad.
Searching…
For happiness,
For fulfilment,
For balance.
Searching for what works in our reality.
The time to reflect is at hand.
Do you have your thoughts together?
I can only hope I do.
Whether we are ready or not,
Time is moving forward.
We can hold the reins, if we choose,
Lest we exist as the beasts bound in them.
Choice can be paralyzing.
I'll try to choose respect
Without unreasonable sacrifice.
This could work. I believe that,
But a relationship takes two.
I'm in it for the long game,
And I hope you are too.
Because there's so much left to explore,
And I want to be alongside you.
Sometimes it feels like
There's a lot of pressure
Within.
Sometimes it's a slow burn
Where every sensation becomes
Exaggerated.
At times the pressure feels like
Almost too much to bear without
Release.
At times it can disperse at
A moment's notice without
Any signs of return.
But it will demand to
Be seen, to
Be felt.
And it will target only
The most sensitive spots.
Sometimes it's takes
Outside help,
A little cinema…
If you will.
And once it's done,
The world comes back to
Life.
I wanted to keep laying bricks.
You wanted to lay down.
We agree to disagree.
It feels like a long journey ahead.
I'm climbing an infinite staircase,
But now alone.
It takes two to tango.
I see your strength.
Thank you for binding with mine.
It's time to start anew.
Reincarnated we learn from the past.
I don't want to forget the beauty we forged.
I am not alone.
I understand but
I cannot grasp everything.
Some things will have to be picked up later.
The world preys on the vulnerable.
I should be on my guard until
I grasp the rest of it.
I have support.
My friends stand on-call for me.
Their time is wealth.
You made me better.
I appreciate the time we shared.
I hope meeting again is in the cards.
I'll miss having a familiar place,
A place I can bike to and from,
A place I can seek out.
I'll miss the splatter of toe beans,
The protesting mreows,
And the random cat pictures.
I'll miss sitting on the couch,
Working side by side,
Being busy, but together.
I'll miss going to sleep
With you by my side,
With your arms at my side.
I'll miss oversharing,
You acknowledging my nonsense,
You making me feel seen.
I'll miss knowing you.
Time catches up to reality.
The day breaks with a new pace.
Sleep goes into hiding.
My heart remembers its place,
But my brain forgets its limits.
It is as if I sent it on vacation,
Only to play catchup upon return.
There is a lot on the to-do list.
I guess it’s okay to work double time today.
Sleep will have to catch up.
Time will reset.
The light rose slowly.
Minutes ticked by but time slowed.
It was like the frame rate expanded.
Speed became relative,
But there was
no tar slowing my movement,
no fog obscuring my vision.
Just slow flow.
The air gradually thins,
And time regains speed
without the added friction.
Turns out that
time dislikes
trickery.
The slow flow becomes a wind tunnel.
As the air rushes past,
With it the sun’s rays.
Just a blackout.
It's like needing to sleep a week,
But wanting to run a mile,
And feeling like a whirlwind inside a fog.
It's like needing to stop everything,
But wanting to plow ahead,
And feeling like nothing.
All I can grasp is separation.
All I can do is put one foot forward.
All I can think is how empty I am.
I'm running on empty.
So tired I don't know what to do with myself.
Drained beyond sleep's reach.
I forget this happens,
Although I shouldn't.
It sneaks up on me,
Despite my familiarity with it.
Meeting new people is fun,
But crowds are draining,
And everything becomes a haze.
Just a bit of recharge time,
Just a bit of unbound space,
Just a bit of familiarity,
To bring everything back into focus.
